Monday, Jul. 24, 2006, 11:10 a.m.: baby steps...
So, I'm tired today, as usual. The puppies are really keeping me awake @ night...or rather, keeping me up early in the morning.
I'm feeling much better. I almost want to say that I'm on my road to recovery. Actually, I will say that I'm on the road. I feel like my path is clearing ahead of me. As if I'm lifting off some of the dark weight that was weighing on my soul. I have to make sure this keeps up b/c everything around me seems brighter. It's funny but it makes me want to cry. We decided to keep the new puppy too. I don't remember if I mentioned this but, Kaya's brother was left @ our house. We were suppose to try to find a buyer for him, but when we did I didn't want to let him go. I just couldn't let them be split up. So that means more money to spend but it's worth it. Now we have our 2 kitties [male/female] and our 2 puppies [female/male]...our perfect balance.
I got into a huge scrap with my Mom the other day. After they tried to avoid coming over to our place on the Saturday, my Mom came to see me. She was acting like a brat and I felt like she was trying to pick a fight, so I aksed her what her fucking problem was. She kept beating around the bush about her feelings and I called her a coward. I mean, if you got something to get off your chest, don't be a bitch a/b it, just tell me. We started argueing and she cut up my choices...told me I was pushing my opinions on her. Basically b/c I choose to live MY life the way I want, I'm pushing my opinions on her. Can u believe that shit?! What kinda fucked up twisted mentality is that?! Anyways, I told her exactly what I thought a/b her. How she's manipulative and negative and controlling. How she makes everyone around her miserable. How she will wake up one day and realize what a wasted life she's lead. By the end of it she had no amo left. She was spitting out insults towards K, with no fire behind them, which made me laugh. She was trying anything to get to me. I know she has a prob with him but she has to fucking deal with it. He's my husband and he's my life partner choice. The world does not revolve around her and neither does my life or my happiness. She was saying some whacked shit man. Like that I lack respect b/c I don't follow her wishes. Seriously get the fuck outta here!! I have very little emotion or respect left for her. Unfortunately, I see that I have alot of her in me. Ya, not someone I want to carry around with me any longer than I have to. See ya! So they did come by on Saturday afternoon. The even stayed for a while, had a coffee and some sweets, and complimented our place. It's one step I suppose.