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Monday, Feb. 14, 2005, 4:14 p.m.: so will they...

Happy Valentine's Day!! Well we told them. Ya, it wasn't exactly suppose to come out the way it did...but it did. Saturday we took my 10 year old sister out for the day. We went for lunch, then for some shopping and then to a movie. When we dropped her off @ home, we decided we were going to tell them that we're moving in together. Just to give them a heads up...out of respect. Both my Mom and Dad started getting all negative on us, telling us how 'this wasn't good news' and how 'we're doing the wrong thing' yadda, yadda, yadda. After K, who is the most calm person I know, explained his poin of view he told my Dad that we would invite them over for dinner when we're all set up and my Dad declined saying that 'they would not come', I lost it. So I asked him, I said, 'would it make a difference if I told you we were getting married?'. He said yes, so all of a sudden I go, 'well guess what, we're getting married too'!! @ first he was shocked and he didn't know what to say, so he goes, 'Well, now that's something to celebrate...congratulations'. But that fake ass comment didn't last long b/c then he started getting into all the reasons why our union would NOT work. I fought him on everything he said, but after I saw that I was getting nowhere, I turned a/r and left. I was a/b to explode into tears and I had no more patience to stay there and TRY to get them to see things our way. Needless to say, we left on a bad note. My parents do not approve of us moving in together AND they, underneathe it all, do NOT approve of us getting married either. Sunday I was a mess, I thought I had the stomach flu and practically had to take gravol all day long. I felt like I was floating and sinking into the pavement all @ the same time. I was exhausted emotionally and mentally, so I pretty much shut down. K felt left out b/c I closed up on him, but I just felt like such shit. This morning as we tried to make love, I couldn't get what happened out of my head and he could feel that. I wasn't into making love so he too got soft on me. Then I started bawling my fucking eyes out like a baby, infront of him, when he asked me what was wrong. I NEED to pull myself together and get over this. The shitty thing is that my Mom called me today and asked me why I couldn't just do things their way. After all these years they still think they can change me or my mind... so sorely mistaken they are. The sad part is that they don't realize how much I'm hurting too b/c they don't accept me or my choices. I have to come to terms with that, I've had to do it all my life, and now so will they.