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Tuesday, Jan. 11, 2005, 11:42 a.m.: satisfy...

I swear my K is so hot!! The deeper in love you fall, the hotter a person becomes. This is not to say that my love is not good looking b/c he is...he's the first boy that I actually was attracted too immidiately b/c of his looks that I've become serious with. Most of my relationships have been with guys that I thought were not attractive @ all until something in their essence sparked me. K however, has been the only guy that my sexual attraction to him was instant and it continues to grow every day. Yesterday I went to my spin class and then met him after his audition. We had plans to go over to my aunts/uncles place to get our xmas presents from them and have some dinner. We stopped and bought them a bottle of wine first. We really have to stop buying them wine everytime we go over there...it gets expensive and it's not necessary. I took a minute to go and take a piss and my aunt cornered K in the kitchen and asked him if we were getting married. He calmly answered that when the time comes we will discuss it but we are really focussing on the short-term right now, in order to prepare for the possible long-term. When I got back into the kitchen he told me what had been talked a/b and we just smiled @ each other, trying to hold back our laughter. It's funny that we are the only ones who know and everyone else is being so nosey and concerned. All I know is that, when the time comes to tell my parents...it's going to be both of us who break the news and NOT my aunt and her big mouth!!! I think it's really rude to trivialize something so special and personally I think she lacks tact and respect. Obviously we will tell everybody when we decided to and they should really just relax and gossip a/b something else. We stayed there for a while and then made our way home.

On the way back to his place we got into a discussion a/b openess and honesty that quickly escalated into an argument. I can't stand when people ask me the same question more than one time, especially him. It makes me feel like he doesn't believe me and I feel like I'm being oppressed. So I freaked out on him....HUGE. I have a tendency to go seriously insane a/r him. I think it's b/c he stays so calm and I can't stand it. It makes me feel like he's not understanding me b/c he just keeps refutting my points by explaining his intentions. I go crazy!!! Plus I need to get away from him when I feel constricted and he's just more confrontational than I am. I thought I was bad but he's a total die-hard. He's also much more rational than I am. When I get emotional I get hysterical. So I was trying to get away from the situation and he wouldn't let me and I was biting him and scratching him and screaming. I just couldn't get it together. Finally he agreed to do what I wanted and I cooled down. I know I have certain issues that I need to work on. I just can't explain why I feel like I'm being so controlled that I go nuts. Anyways, we talked out the problem and then I stayed over @ his place and slept on his chest all night. I swear it was the most comfortable sleep I've had in SO long.

Today I'm studying AGAIN. I have to keep this up all week and into the w/e. I want to pass this exam with 100%. Aim high, right? Tonight we're going to go to Swiss Chalet for dinner, after I spin, and then it's back to our bed to finish watching LOTR: Return of the King. I'm excited! I have a craving for Swiss Chalet for some reason, so we're going to satisfy it. We will also be satisfying some other cravings, I'm sure, tonight.