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Friday, Jul. 09, 2004, 9:47 a.m.: exciter...

My family got back from Florida yesterday. All of them were practically black...I swear they tan so good!! I've had to resort to fake and baking this year, so I'm only half as dark as them. Seems like they had a good time...they all look really relaxed. Until my parents started @ it during dinner. Everytime I see their marriage, not that it's terrible but it's lacking, I get discouraged. I start to doubt that two people can manage to stay together and feel the strength and intensity of their feelings for one another 'till death do them part'. I'm a sucker for romance and idealism so I have this elated view of realtionships in my mind. I'm always dissapointed in my own realtionships, b/c no one can live up to me, and most of the time when I see other people together. There are very very few who's realtionships I admire...and that's sad. No more peace and quiet though when I go over there to their place now though and that kinda sucks.

I swear! Doesn't anyone go away for the summer anymore??? It's gotten so busy here @ work ever since June and it's fucking annoying. I know it's my job to deal with customers but when it interferes with my daily activities, it pisses me off. I have no right to say that shit but, oh well. I mean, techinically I'm not even suppose to be writing this right now!! I don't know what these corporations are thinking...fucking nazis!!! Nobody should be expected to work straight through from 9-5pm. In Europe, things are chilled, and everything closes down @ 3pm...people have the rest of the day to enjoy life. I should move to Europe. I'd probably get bored though and then want back to the fast pace...ha. We're never satisfied are we?

Speaking of fast paced...I haven't heard from my girlfriend who's in NY right now. She must be going out every night and not going home or something, b/c this is coming up to a week now that we haven't spoken. I hope she's okay. The last thing I heard from her, she was telling me how she took the wrong bus and ended up in Harlem @ like 2.30am. She said she thought she was going to die b/c there were literally no cars on the street and she had to walk to the edge of Harlem just to catch a cab. I don't know if she was exaggerating or not b/c I've never been @ night like that. I was suprised though b/c, seeing as she was getting cat calls the whole time she was walking through, nobody actually approached her.

I went to the gym this morning. Last night was spin and this morning I was suppose to meet my girl for weights. I stiffed her Wed morning though b/c I woke up late, so when I got up @ 6.30am and saw that she hadn't called my phone yet I had a feeling I was gonna get shafted. Sure enough, I get there for 7am and she calls me, half asleep still, and tells me that she JUST woke up and wasn't going to make it. Fine, I stiffed your ass Wed...it's cool. I almost turned a/r and went home, don't know why b/c I'm not one of these people who needs someone to hold my hand. Then I parked and gave my head a shake and went in to do arms. I've gotten weaker since I've missed a bit, so I had to drop down to 10lb dbs. It sucks when you feel you've lost your muscle but I didn't wanna go and fuck up my arms. I'll build up to it again soon enough, I'm sure.

Okay so did I mention the girl that I think has a thing for me. She's one of the actors in my movie and I've always felt an attraction from her and I'm attracted to her too. She kinda reminds me of someone clsoe to me, just in female form...although she's probably more masculine than he is. Anyways, she's been flirting with me everytime I've seen her and I keep thinking something is going to happen but she never says anything. So I've been dared to take this further myself. I feel challenged to do it now, so I'm thinking of inviting her out to this play Sunday afternoon. I wanna see now. I think I'm due for some more excitement.