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Monday, May. 31, 2004, 9:22 a.m.: over it...

Okay, so I'm over it. I was so pissed off a/b the benefits those girls were reaping from the movie and I just decided... I missed the boat and that's that. They were smarter than I was, in regards to marketing and getting themselves in there first. I didn't care and now it's a little late to try and do damage control. It will just give me a fucking ulcer trying. I could do it, but the energy it would take can be better used elsewhere. I'll take this as a lesson for next time...be interested from the get-go in the project and GET INVOLVED EARLY. I almost went off, on the weekend, and then just decided to pull back with the help of some wise words. I still feel used and under appreciated but whatever...fuck them. It's MY job to be proactive and make people see my work. I just didn't cut it this time. There will always be a next time. I have much more important things to worry a/b right now...like getting that agent!

So today is the day they go out. All 25 of my packages will be stamped and dropped in the mail for pick-up. I consider this bunch to be my best and most professional looking so far. I'm not discouraged yet, which is a great sign, but if I have to go another round without any responses I may just lose it. We'll see how it goes...pray for me though, whoever is out there listening. I know it's kind of a trivial thing to ask someone to pray for but it's my career on the line...not that trivial to me. Thanks.

I went to get my neck x-ray this morning and found myself sitting in a blood lab for 15 mins. I assumed that when my doctor told me that the lab was in my area, that it was the usual one I go to. I didn't realize that it's ONLY a blood lab. So I felt like a knob when the front desk nurse, who is a miserable fuck said, 'honey, you're in a blood lab, we don't do x-rays here'. I sat there with my stupid number waiting to be called and then I had to leave right a/f that. I figured I'd just go back tomorrow to find this x-ray lab that I obviously don't know a/b!

My weekend was alright. I had alot of family shit to go to. Yesterday I went to a confirmation party where I hardly knew anybody. I felt so out of place and it was one of those atmosphere's that just drained my energy. Family get-togethers, that are highly pretentious, with my family always do it to me. Then I left to go to my last improv class and I was charged up and ready to go. All it takes is a relaxed atmosphere and a place I enjoy being, I guess, too. One day, I suppose, I will have learned to endure the horrid family gatherings. For some reason my parents chose to keep me somewhat secluded from my relatives. It's immediate family only. But I find that alot of my culture was lost b/c of this. I feel like the black sheep of my own family already and it's even stranger to go and see these people who are suppose to be my second/third cousins or whatever. It feels weirder trying to talk to them than it does talking to a stranger and that is definately strange. Ah, what can you do?! I'm over it.