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Tuesday, Feb. 10, 2004, 9:36 a.m.: taste it...

I really have to learn how to ace a professional audition. I work alot for free right now and when you go to an independant audition it's so different. Everyone is calm and pleasant and you can joke a.r and not feel that you've crossed some sort of invisible line. Then you walk into an audition where they're paying you and you get uptight, pissed off, stuck up people who seem like they haven't enjoyed a day of life in like 10yrs or some shit. It was not a very good experience yesterday for me. I went to this audition where we were put in groups of 3 to present our 'scene'. First off, we were missing one of the girls...so in that case you get one of the casting directors to read with you. They suck so badly that you literally want to slice your wrists right there just to escape the misery. On top of that, you are somewhat dependant on the performance of your partners, which sucks b.c if they're off and you're doing your 'job' right...you're going to feel that. Not to say that I wasn't nervous, b.c I was, but I'm just stating the facts of the whole stupid situation. I know that the more I am exposed to these types of situations, the easier it will get...but I have to start coming up with some little tricks now. While I don't have an agent I'm responsible for my own work and if I can score these auditions then I need to be able to ace them too. To be fair though, I had a hang-over and my whole body was still buzzing from the weekend, but still.

I was shooting last night and I think I scared the fuck out my co-star. I was a tad too candid when I jokingly said that 'men are to be used and women are to be dated'...haha. I was sort of kidding, but I think it made her uncomfortable. She needs to relax, I guess. I don't really believe THAT...it goes both ways actually. Once I finished filming I went home and I had the best sleep I've had all weekend. I definately made up for my lack of sleep.

Today I get to go get my hair cut. Finally!! I'm so excited...I love it when I come out of the salon all styled and sleek. They can always do you up much better than we can @ home. I feel like sucj a star coming out of there. I assume it's how I'm going to feel when I'm finally famous. A little taste of heaven every once in a while till the real deal comes into sight.

<3 ~CAT~ xXx