Monday, Jan. 12, 2004, 10:20 a.m.: calculate...

Okay, so I jumped the gun a tad. Gotta love the cliches!!! I went to an audition on Saturday for this Theatre company. Once a year they put on a festival that gathers local agents, casting directors...you know, the important people together...to check out new talent. I got called back for 3 different plays that they will be showcasing. Tonight I have to go in for 2 of them and tomorrow for the last. One of them is a one woman show though. That sort of scares me a bit b/c it's alot of pressure but, all the more reason to attempt it. So I guess 2004 has actually started off pretty good. I got ove the fact that I thought I bombed my first audition of the year. That group was all stuffy and stuck up anyways, so I'm glad they didn't call me back.

I wanted to see '21 Grams' yesterday but ended up seeing 'Paycheck' instead. Now I LOVE Ben Affleck, infact I like him so much that he makes me wet just looking @ him, but the movie was kinda shit. He's great eye candy and he's really funny, even when he doesn't mean to be but come on. No comparison, I'm sure, to what 21 Grams would have been like. I missed it b/c we were late getting into the theatre and there were NO seats for two except for right @ the front. It kinda pissed me off, even more so b/c I wasn't the late one. This 'trying of my patience' is bringing me to boiling point. Boys are so stupid. [break] Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!! And then they make it up to you, and you forgive them!! I'm such a slave!!

On-top of that I've got this hottie still calling me to go out. I don't know if I'm scared to go out with him b/c I think he'll lure me sexually or what, but I am seriously trying to avoid him. I can be quite frivolous if I feel like I've been hurt and it worries me b/c I feel hurt alot of the time. I wouldn't want to go and get myself into something I might regret later. Hmmm, sometimes I'm way to overly cautious but this IS my gut talking here. I fucking give myself a head-ache! I have to keep reminding myself to 'go with the flow' in certain cases. My need to control is so apparent sometimes it's actually quite ridiculous. I'm much more calculated than even I realized.

<3 ~CAT~ xXx