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Tuesday, Jan. 13, 2004, 9:27 a.m.: a part...

I feel like utter shit today. I woke up @ 4am and was tossing and turning until 7.30am. I thought I was dying or coming down with some horrible flu. I wanted to puke so bad but my body was not allowing it and there's no way I was going to stick my fingers down my throat. No more forced barfing for me, thank you very much. I'd rather suffer and let my body extract when it wants to than re-live the feelings I went through when I use to purge. I finally got up and realized that I WAS NOT dying and that I could probably still make it to work. I washed up, got dressed [very slowly I might add] and got into my car. Driving to work was a treat too, oh yea, I kept wanting to pull over b/c I was feeling motion sickness coming on. Now I'm here @ work and I'm soothing my stomach with coffee. Hard to believe but it's working. I don't feel like eating anything though, and that will probably last throughout the day for me, which means that I probably wont go to the gym b/c I'll have no energy. That sucks.

So I had my call-backs last night, for the 2 theatre productions, for this festival that's going up in the city. The first one the director hadn't even seen me perform my monologue, so she was going on word of mouth in who she thought she should call-back. Anyways, I went up to the performing space with 4 other chicks...and we were all going out for the same part. Of course, I get shafted with being the first one up and I perform my scene with more subtelty, which was of course my mistake b/c we're dealing with theatre here...it's suppose to be over the top and hammy!! Whatever, I'll remember that for next time. I didn't make the next round for that one. My 2nd audition was a more agressive scene where I got to scream @ my mother. @ the end the director asked me to improv a scene where all I'm trying to do is get my mother to hug or touch me in some way. He goes and tells me to do whatever it takes, cry, plead, etc. Now I've never ever cried on cue b/f, it's something I have to learn how to do and so I tried my best, in whatever other way I knew how, to get my mom to touch me. I think that sort of threw me out of the running b/c I really think he wanted me to get all emotional and well, I just didn't. They were both great experiences and I do have one more tonight so I'll keep everything I learned in mind for this one. That's all I can do. I really want a part in the festival...I need a damn part.

<3 ~CAT~ xXx