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Monday, Dec. 29, 2003, 9:26 a.m.: xmas time over...

Xmas is over, already. Can you believe it?! I can't, although I'm kinda glad since I was sick and bored as hell for a couple days there. We did the whole thing...family came over, like they always do. We ate lots of food, opened all our gifts together and phoned friend's to wish them a Happy Holiday. I'm still in a bit of a tension war with one of my girlfriend's, so I didn't see her...fuck, I haven't even given her her gift yet. I personally just want a break from her anyways. She's too much emotionally sometimes and I don't have the strength to support that all the time. I'm on strike. I'm also getting really fed up with the boy and our 'situation'. I think this new year I'm going to have to make a resolution to not take anymore shit [games and bull-shit alike] from anyone anymore. I mean, I was having fun @ first but now I'm just getting bored and fed up. If he doesn't want all of me then he can go fuck himself, b/c this half assed shit is not cutting it. I feel like I'm with my ex all over again. I broke up with him for pretty much the same shit that I'm sort of dealing with now. So what if he's a better communicator and he's more attentive to my feelings...he's not giving me what I want. And, he's getting off on it...I need to end this somehow. Boyz give me such a head-ache!! I'm not going to start working on my acting stuff until the week of the 5th of January. I decided to just take these 2 weeks off, as far as acting goes. Then I have to begin again full force come the new year. I must focus on scoring my agent again. That is what I want now...an agent and a good one too!! Do you think this whole not getting what I want from the boy, is really happening b/c I need to focus on other things in my life? Hmmm, it may be just that. There are things I have to attain that I have not gotten yet. Things that will probably and most likely lead to my happiness in the future...or rather, lead closer to my happiness? I think the biggest one is a full sense of my independance. I don't think I have reached that yet. I think that is what I should focus on. There's my first resolution...good thing I'm a stickler for following goals I set for myself.

<3 ~CAT~ xXx