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Monday, Dec. 15, 2003, 10:46 a.m.: neglect...

So I finally decided to chk out this new guy. I mean, I figure this: if I have to resort to always being put 2nd, by the boy, why should I have to suffer. I want to be #1...but, I'm use to attracting men who are either not available or emotionally un-present so this is nothing new to me. But fuck me, if I'll be the one waiting a/r while he's out doing whatever it is that he does and neglecting my beautiful ass!! Sigh... And this guy might even turn out to be just the same but I might as well get some more attention and stimulation from the deal. I'm single, the boy is NOT my boyfriend. It sucks though b/c I want all of him, but if he cannot give that to me then... cest la vie. I know it's not all that black and white, you know. I see alot in only black and white though...it's tough to change that. My feelings are still very strong for the boy. Whatever. I was thinking a/b it all last night and if I look back @ the last list of guys, that have had a thing for me, they've all been of Middle Eastern decent. I think I have fetish here! YUM!!! Oh how I love Middle Eastern boys!!!

We're all going out for Xmas lunch today. I've been eating out way too much lately. I guess with the holidays and all the trips to the mall that I've been making, in order to get GIFTS FOR OTHER PEOPLE, it adds up. We're going to one of my favorite places though so I'm sure it will be yummy. I know what I want already and I can't wait to eat it. Hopefully it will help my brain stay focused. I've been getting crazy bursts of adrenaline ever since I woke up this morning. It's that feeling that ends up being the driving force in my life. Kinda makes you just wanna get out and run...forever.

Fuck!! That's what I forgot to do! I didn't get stamps yesterday for the Xmas cards I'm going to be mailing out to agents. Ah, must be a reason for that. Beagle47 I love your idea!! Means I have to re-write them, which is something I hate doing, but since the idea is so witty I'm going to bend. It was perfect...thanx!

<3 ~CAT~ xXx