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Friday, Dec. 05, 2003, 10:41 a.m.: riding the high...

I was on a fucking rampage yesterday. A/f the incident in the morning with my mother and then having to deal with my uncle too...I was tranported into a really weird place. It lasted until late night and I think I still have it today, surging through my veins. I get very agressive, dominant and arrogant, some say, and I guess it seems to be directly related to these types of incidents. My mother has been trying to make it up to me and I sort of feel sorry for her. I mean, I guess she realizes that she was, for the most part, in the WRONG. I can't completely not blame myself, b/c I see where I could have avoided to full out verbal assault, but I get a kick out of confrontation sometimes. Yesterday was my weak day and it's funny too b/c it's quite self defeating, the process I choose to go through. The human psyche...amazing and yet so fucking confusing.

So, I found out that my girlfried...the one with the psycho cat...has got him on meds now. Can you believe that shit?! I'm sort of stunned a/b the whole thing, b/c the cat now only sleeps. I mean, that can't be the best living environment for the poor thing. I haven't told her yet, but I think it's a bit selfish to keep him in a zombie like state just so she can keep him a/r. And this is still not a guarantee that he wont attack her, or the baby later on. Now it's not my cat and not my decision, obvioulsy, but if he doesn't level out in a couple weeks I would consider other options and I will suggest that to her. There's something very creepy to me a/b putting a cat on medication [or kitty prozac] just b/c his nature tells him to be possesive and territorial.

I topped my night off by seeing 'ELF' last night. It was very funny and brought my mood up nicely. It's a totaly kids flick and for a while there I actually felt like I was 6 again...believing in Santa and Elves and shit. Made me feel like shit b/c I broke the news a year ago, to my little sister, that Santa wasn't real. I couldn't believe how bad I felt sitting there...feeling like I had robbed her of the magical feeling I was getting from the movie. I think I was over-reacting, just a tad...I usually do. I'm sure she can still remember the feeling she use to get, back when she thought the fat fuck really lived in the North Pole and shit. X-mas..gotta love it!

<3 ~CAT~ xXx