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Thursday, Dec. 04, 2003, 10:09 a.m.: manipulator...

What a fucking morning!!! It's my Dads birthday today and I went by my parents place in the morning so that I could give him a nice birthday greeting. Probably not the best idea b/c I had gotten into a verbal scrap with my mother yesterday over some plans she tried to get me to organize for him, when it was up to her to do it. I told her to shove it up her ass, b/c I didn't feel that it was my responsibility and I sure as hell was NOT going to take her 'orders'. She got all huffy with me b/c she couldn't understand where I was coming from and I had to hang up on her...a/f she tried to make me feel guilty for not setting up dinner plans for my Dad, of course. So this morning when I met my Dad @ the door, and gave him a hug, I forgot to lock the door behind me. Mother dearest, when she finally descennded the stairs, took that opportunity to jump on me like I had committed a fucking mortal sin and get me back for yesterdays scrap. Anyways, to make a long manipulative story short we were yelling face to face like rabid animals as she tried to emotionally rape me this morning. Looked like she sort of managed to do a good job too b/c she got me riled up even though I took some nice stabs @ her. The fact that I reacted so harshly pissed me off, majorly. The fact that she tries to continuously emotioanlly manipulate me enrages me. It's a sad affair when I think of my feelings for her. I have alot of people in my family that are like this. I just had a run-in with another fuck of this type [my uncle] who has a similar mentality. What scared me the most today though was when I heard her voice in mine, as I was twisting and turning this mornings and yesterdays incidents to make her feel like shit. I mean I did feel a bit guilty for yesterday but it was a principle I was trying to up-hold and she didn't get it. She was taking serious slices and dices @ me that were not called for. I don't need this negativity though...I hate it!! The only positive a/b this behaviour is that I can spot a manipulator a mile away...but what a curse this shit is. A blessing and a curse. Happy Birthday Dad...sorry I couldn't keep it together today for you.

<3 ~CAT~ xXx