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Thursday, Nov. 27, 2003, 9:13 a.m.: Catch 22...

X-mas is one of my favorite times of the year. See, I get into this excited frame of mind when I can actually think a/b buying gifts for other people and NOT splurging on myself. It's such a rejuventating feeling. I went out to the mall last night and didn't buy one thing for myself. For some reason, this year I am able to be very strict on myself in regards to it. My girlfriend, however, was still buying for herself. It made me proud that I could restrain from spending selfishly. Even better for me that she, who use to watch every penny, couldn't control her urge. Call it what you like, but I thought it was a good step for me. Anyways, I will hopefully be finished with my shopping by the end of this w/e and then I can just wrap it all up for everyone. It's so much fun. I feel like such a child, but I get overly excited.

I've been trying to take my mind of acting for a bit. I need to learn to seperate my life from it, in a sense. I'm starting to resent the fact that when I talk to people alot of what I have to say ONLY has to do with acting. It's sort of making me ill, but the reality of the situation is that my life IS acting. The pathetic part of it is that I think I'm losing other aspects in my life b/c of it. Most of the people I meet in the biz are two-faced back stabbers, or will be one day, and so I have to constantly keep that in mind...and that limits my connection to alot of them. Then I have my close friend's in the biz who I only discuss acting with, and while it's productive in one sense it's counter-productive in another b/c we are only bonded through acting. I don't like that very much, or maybe I'm being a bit dramatic and not giving our realtionships enough credit here. Could be a possibility, but it worries me when there is a lack of substance there. Especially upsetting to me is that these are the people I have the most connection with. I think this may be a catch 22.

Love, CAT xXx