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Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2003, 10:35 a.m.: find...

It snowed last night. Not bad, considering it's almost the end of November. Mind you, it only snowed a little bit and it's all melted now. Turned out to be a beautiful day too and that makes me one happy girl. Another thing that would make me a happy girl is if I walk into that agent's office today and she decides to sign my ass...right there, on the spot. That would be quite amazing!! I've got on my 'eye grabbing' wear today, something I would normally refrain from wearing to work but today is my exception. Another thing that would make me happy is if the boy would call me up and make me laugh, or tell me he has some great idea for us that involves lots of hot, dirty, passionate sex. The kind that just over-whelms your senses, so much so, that you don't know where you are anymore. All you know is that this essence is penetrating you and taking over your being...engorging you with sexual energy that has to explode, through you, from every part of your body. And finally knowing, in the end, that you'll surrender fully to him and do almost anything that he asks of you. That's what I want right now and that is how HE makes me feel. Phew, kinda went off there a bit. Okay so I have sort of a big day today. This is a bit like a first impression and I would like to make sure it's a good one...or rather, one that will benefit me and get me a damn agent!!

I tend to wear only black and white when I go and do any of my agent stuff/hunting. It's more of a sub-conscious thing, but I think I'm trying to find balance. It's symbolic of yin and yang which is essential, as far as I'm concerned, in any relationship. There MUST be a balance of power between two people to have a flourishing union. I'm trying to find that in everything I do. It may have something to do with the fact that I was born on the winter solstice...it's apparently the day where the earth is in perfect balance [if I remember correctly] and it has alot to do with my psyche, I feel. It makes me feel safe b/c it makes me feel complete. It's probably why I am so comfortable with 'the boy', b/c he is my balance...my yin and my yang. I have this urging notion that I am his too. I guess it couldn't be any other way. And, that is what I must find in an agent too.

Love, CAT xXx