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Friday, Nov. 14, 2003, 10:13 a.m.: Vamping it up...

I went to my rehearsal last night for the Vampire flick I'm going to be doing. I got measured for my costumes, that I got to PICK OUT MYSELF!!!!! I'm really excited a/b the whole thing b/c it looks like this groupare going all out for this. I have 4 costume changes and I get to keep the outfits too in the end. The other fucking hilarious thing a/b the whole ordeal is that I found out that they are going to be casting 'the boy', along side me, in it. We had been bantering all day a/b how I was doing the flick and he wasn't and how the guy had to suck on my tit and how I got to be attached to his neck, while straddling him in next to nothing during a ritual scene. It was turning into a pretty racy scenario and I was kinda enjoying digging it into to him. I mean, obviously I would have loved to have him in place of the 'originally casted' guy...but I was kinda getting off on the insults he started to dish out to me a/b the film b/c of all of the sexy scenes. Anyways, I called him a/f rehearsal and tried to rub it in a bit more...telling him that the guy who was cast not only stole his part, but happended to have the same first name as his. They are suppose to be phoning him this morning to inform him that they really want him. He's going to laugh when he gets the call. I was saying all this god shit a/b him, but I hope they don't think that I love the guy off, maybe fearing distraction and unprofessional behavior, and decide against him a/f all. I know, I'm being ridiculous...it's my creative brain getting the best of me. That's my new line for everytime I sound like a paranoid or neurotic freak! The hottest part a/b this whole thing is the fact that we both love Vampires so much, that this experience would probably bring us even closer than we already are.

I'm going in today, hopefully, to drop off a package to another agent. The boy has to go by his agents place and, with her permission, I will go in with him. If I was to go alone I wouldn't give a fuck a/b getting her 'permission', but b/c I'm going with him I don't want her to feel obliged into giving me a warm reception...or worse, give both of us attitude. I feel tension really strongly and it's not a comfortable feeling for me. With him there it would be hard for me to block it out and just proceed with what I have to do. I'd be all self-conscious as well as conscious of his and her feelings and shit. A total mess...in short. I really need to start focusing on how I can be a transmitter instead of a receptor though. With acting, it's great to be a recptor but it doesn't do much good in the 'real' world. I've got this new book I'm reading and it's called 'Matrix Warrior'. It takes the philosophy of the Matrix and applies it to us as individuals and is suppose to inspire you to become 'the one'...or rather, the transmitter of spiritual, social, and all a/r individual positive growth and development in the world. It's pretty cool.

Love, CAT xXx