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Thursday, Nov. 13, 2003, 9:49 a.m.: no ghosts...

I just got the script for the Vampire short I'm going to be doing. Firstly, they have me crying in the thing and I have never had to do a scene like that b/f. It's a challenge, yes, but it's one that I will be stressing a/b for days now. I decided I will have to find a way to practise the whole 'being vulnerable to the point of tears' bit. I spent so many years, with my ex, in constant tears that it either dried me out or my brain has mentally blocked that type of release. Now, I'm not a/b to go and get private coaching for something like this [well, only if it's with the boy], but I need to find a way to achieve the final product and I need to find out fast...otherwise they will just have to do it another way. On top of that, they've included some fairly racy scenes with me suggestively sucking blood from my brother's neck and then him feeding off my breast. I'm starting to worry though a/b the final product. If this turns out to look stupid I'm going to be royally pissed off!!! To deface one of my favorite mythical creatures is a sin in my book, so it better NOT happen. I have this great picture in my head of what I want it to look like, but the power is not in my hands here. Unfortuantely, it's in the hands of this bunch of guys who better be as creatively ambitious as I would be. Fuck!!

I think we picked up some ghost frequency last night. We were shooting in the hall-way and the sound chick was rolling, and everyone was silent, but the needle on her reel kept tweaking. She was pretty stunned b/c she couldn't figure out what it was coming from. Now, she could have been over-reacting for the sake of the spook factor...who knows? I was totally intrigued! I left though w/o even getting a glimpse of any spirits. The closest I got was when I walked into the basement of the house and it turned out to be a dream I had had 2 nights earlier. Oh well, maybe another time?

Love, CAT xXx