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Tuesday, Jul. 29, 2003, 2:21 p.m.: just another day of it...

I'm going to this awards show tonight. One of my films is being screened there and I'm a bit worried. Along with the short, they are showing behind the scenes stuff. Now, my audition for this one is not something I really want to be screened in front of an audience. So I'm crossing my fingers that it isn't part of it. I will be so embarassed!!! I'm heading down with a girlfriend and M.R. I had this audition this morning too, for another t.v. appearance thing. Only thing is this is a non speaking role. It's just a re-enactment of a scene. Nothing too inspiring or exciting for me, but a good chance to get my face seen by some 'real' people. People who matter a bit more @ the mo. We'll see how it ends up going. Who fucking knows?!

Then I'm gearing up for the big concert happening tomorrow downtown. It better not rain @ all, cause I wanna stay outside all fucking day long and be warm...not wet. Well, I guess I could get a little wet, or a lot wet, depending on who I bump into there... ;)I've been seriously thinking a/b just dating women for a while. I don't know if I'll follow through on this or not, but I'm thinking I just want a hot chick to fuck a/r with. I mean, I'm in love with this guy and like it's not going to be easy for me to just transfer myself onto some other guy to try to balance these intense feelings I have. Cause we're not together per se, and that technically means he can go and fuck a/r with some other chick...if he wanted to. I know, he's not interested in anyone, but me right now, but you never know what could pop up. So, should I just go to the next best thing...which would be a chick? That way I can get what I want in every aspect? Cause I know that if I found out that he as much as kissed some other girl, aside from it being necessary for acting, I would be hurt. I'm thinking it's a pretty good fucking idea. Cause then I make sure that I protect my emotions... I don't know?! Maybe I should just talk it over more with him. That's probably my best bet right now. Okay, I'm going I'll fill you in on more later.

Love, CAT xXx