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Friday, Jul. 18, 2003, 9:21 a.m.: coming out of it...

I'm slowly starting to come out of my severely emotional state. I guess my hormones just get all out of whack and I turn into this completely irrational being. The funny thing a/b it is when I allow myself to step back [usually a/f I've just been all crazy], I can see the whole picture...or the right picture again. So eveything I thought was all fucked up turns out to be just fine. It's fucked how emotions can totally over-take a situation and jumble up communication. I blame it on the bloody bitch that comes to visit me, once a month. She's due for a visit this coming Tuesday and I know that's what's fucking me up. I just gotta ride it out. I've considered ostracizing myself from those that I lash out against, but that ends up being everyone. So I figure it's not bad enough to have to isolate myself from people, yet...sheesh! Not that it's destined to get worse cause I'm gonna try to work on it, but hey.

I've got a busy audition w/e coming up. Three new projects and one call-back. I hope I score all of them! Well, one I can do w/o and I know which one that is. I've got this one that just basically a documentary style film. It's not that appealing to me cause I'm not too happy a/b the grainy docu style, but it's still a great part so I'd still take it. I missed a submission time yesterday for a paid t.v. production, where the character I'd play had recurring parts. I was pretty pissed a/b that when I saw it last night, a/f the gym!!! Oh well, what are you donna do?

The gym was fucking hilarious last night. My instructor played all 80's tunes and he was the most hyper man I've ever seen in my life. For the first 10 mins I couldn't stop smiling from wanting to bust out in laughter. This guy was a total character! By the end though his attitude gave me so much energy I was flying for an hour a/f...almost as if I was on speed or some shit. You should have seen it! He was a fiesty mofo...a great challenge for me. Then I went home and watched one of my favorite movies... 'True Romance'...awesome fucking flick!!

Love, CAT xXx