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Tuesday, Jul. 08, 2003, 9:15 a.m.: pissed and panicked...

I was @ my girlfriend's place last night. Went by to watch the season finale of QAF...which was fucking totally amazing, I might add. Brian is my damn hero, I'm telling you! The writing for this show is just incredible...blew me away!! Anyways, b/f it started we went out to the store to buy candy and chocolate. Behind the counter were two people...an Asian man [who was serving us] and a small Asian woman [who was bagging for him]. The man spoke English, well enough to communicate verbally with me and my girlfriend, but the woman spoke none and had to resort to body language or facial expressions. Beside [and behind us] was this older European man who only spoke broken English as well. As we're waiting for the man behind the counter to count our candy, I hear this rude customer [European man] saying some shit like 'I can see your eyes when you smile' to the woman behind the counter. I looked @ him in anger and disgust b/c while it seemed like a fairly innocent comment it struck me as fucking rude as hell. He was buying cigarettes and he had already placed his money down on the counter, when out of his mouth comes 'How much are those?'. The woman couldn't understand a word he was saying and just kept smiling @ him, in this somewhat timid manner. He asked her again, 'I said, how much are those...don't you understand me?'. Clearly he had been in this store b/f and he knew full well she spoke not even a word of English. Then he proceeded to yell @ her a/b how she shouldn't come to this country w/o even knowing the language. Now, I was standing there feeling totally embarassed b/c these people were being harassed by some ignorant fuck who not only had no class, but couldn't speak English himself!! So I said to the man behind the counter, 'like he even knows the language...what the fuck is he talking a/b?!' And as I said that, the same words came out of the man's mouth [minus the obscenity]...it was funny. I felt so terrible for them though, there just trying to make a living, doing the best they can, dealing with these useless fucks!! It was quite disheartening...I was pissed the whole way back...spewing out all the things I wanted to do to that man...who really himself knew no better. It's fucking sad really.

Anyways, so this Sunday I'm going to be doing my new pics with this girlfriend of mine. So that I'm not always mistaken for a 35 year old woman b/c of my head-shots. I went to an audition last night where, they had placed me as the mother character [b/c of the pic they got through e-mail] and then when I got there they gave me the daughter role instead...b/c clearly I am NOT a 35-40 yr old mother of two!!! The audition went really well, I think. Much better than the one I had earlier where I was in a total panic and fucked up my characters majorly. I was illegaly parked on the street and then I even budded infront of people who were there earlier than me, b/c I was so panicked. Not a good way to go into an audition...I wasn't focused @ all. You need a whole shit load of nerves, but you also need to direct that energy into your chosen goal. It's that combination that allows you to deliver a great performance. Two pieces to the puzzle that have to be fit together. Well, we'll see how they turn out.

Love, CAT xXx