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Tuesday, Jun. 24, 2003, 9:00 a.m.: amazing...

Okay here's the deal. It's been a while since I've been able to be really excited with anyone. It comes in small bursts with my girlfriends, but doesn't last long. I always call people up b/c I want to chat and then as soon as I'm on the phone I'm so dead that I might as well have not even bothered. In the back of my mind I was wondering why I was prone to being like that, but I chalked it up to 'my personality'. Well, yesterday I figured out WHY I had been in such a funny mood as of late. Come on, have you guessed it yet? Fuck yea! It's cause I hadn't been to the gym in ages and I hadn't had my endorphin high. It's so easy to forget what the beneifts are of some things. I guess I had started to take advantage, forgetting that I NEED the fucking gym. I'm prone to depression, it seems. That's why alchol effects me the way it does when I'm not dancing up a storm, and that's why I get gloomy and very low-key when I haven't worked out in a while.

I was talking with a girlfriend yesterday and we were discussing how we would be when we're famous...or when we have enough cash to throw a/r on different things. I said that I would most definately have a personal trainer that would live with me and guide me every fucking day of my life. I would never have to go to a gym again cause I would have my own built into my place. It's probably the first thing I'd get if I got a big load of cash [that, and maybe a set of tits]. I feel like almost utter shit when I don't work out and it's not in an insecure way, it's in a low brain chemical way. Like I feel the lack of spunk in me due to it. My excitement for life is almost gone and then only the extreme things get me going. It's quite messed, in my opinion. I just gotta work with it I guess. Anyways as you may be able to tell already, my evening was amazing. I feel like new again. It's great.

Love, CAT xXx