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Monday, Jun. 23, 2003, 1:22 p.m.: stick to it...

It seems traffic has increased hugely on this site. My morning fix has been withheld from me...not a good thing. Boo-Hoo. I don't like it when I can't have what I want, when I want it. :( It's very very frustrating. Mind you, I did have alot of other things to get done this morning...which I did.

This w/e was fucking beautifully amazing out!!! I loved it. Yesterday was completely boiling and, you know, when its that hot out it makes you very tired. All in all though yesterday was my best day. I met M.R. for breakfast and then he took me to meet his director and I auditioned for a part in the pilot he's filming. The cast was pretty cool. I love being on set with a bunch of guys...it's so comforting. Of course his being there made it even better. He kinda makes me feel like I'm wrapped up in a warm blanket, when I'm with him. It's also a bit scary though, b/c @ this point if he left me I'm not sure I'd know what to do. Emotionally he's got me...he's become my security...really. I figure there's no point pretending I don't need him anymore, I'm just inservicing myself...no matter what happens. Anyways, the audition sucked cause they had no video to tape me with and I didn't get a proper break-down of the character...so I fucked it up a bit. Ha, well more than a bit...but we're going to have a real audition soon and I've got the script now to go over.

Fuck, I also saw my ex this w/e. Not see him to talk to him though...I just spotted him on the street as I was driving. He saluted me, as usual. It was weird b/c my uncle bumped into him a couple weekends ago @ the F1 race, and then I go and see his sorry ass. Walking down the street with a beer in his hand and his 'boyfriend' beside him. I'm so happy to be free from him...what a terrible life I would have lived if he had really loved me. I hated his lifestyle then and I still hate it now. He still makes my heart fly up into my throat though. I know though that I am very lucky to have met M.R.

I'm going to go and finally check out my NEW gym today. I joined last w/e and it blew me away. Fucking beautiful, big, bright, and clean...so clean. Compared to my other gym, this is heaven. And so many classes that it blows your mind. I love it! I got my fitness test done too and I am @ elite status. Great news, but it means I may have to up my work-out...especially considering I hadn't been to the gym in like 2 mths and I was still 'elite'. I was thinking of getting a fitness trainer, for a couple sessions, to get an idea of how to lift weights properly and what to do. Tonight though, I wanna do a body blast class [free weight class] and a spin class. That was my normal Monday night schedule anyways...might as well stick to it...for now.

Love, CAT xXX