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Monday, May. 05, 2003, 9:26 a.m.: beautiful bartender...

It was a fairly long w/e. One that @ some parts was not very clear to me. Friday night I went to watch my youngest sister in a production of 'Annie'. It was cute b/c she was so shy infront of all of us that she was hiding out in the back the whole time. She's so not shy in person that it was strange to see her so self-conscious. I guess my family breeds and conditions the type. She'll grow out of it eventually...I did...well, not fully yet I guess. I had to get in and to bed early that night b/c I was shooting the Saturday morning. So Saturday morning I woke up early and got ready. Usually I try to get somewhere right on time and end up being a bit late. This time I managed to get ready and on my way so that I was early. On the highway, I'm wondering a/b how I can kill some time b/c of how early I was. I ended up stuck in a row of traffic and figured, o.k. this will do it for a while. Suddenly, this wave of desperation swept over me and I began to frantically search for my phone. I don't know why I found it so necessary to look for the damn thing @ that point, but I had the heart flutter and everything. Sure enough, as I'm looking I take my foot off the gas pedal for one second [to move an inch] and BAM...right into the guy infront of me. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! I stop and get out of the car as he's looking @ his rear bumper. Luckily there was hardly any damage and he said it was okay. I thanked him and got back into my car. Now, my car has this whole area of paint cracked in the front. That, I'm just going to have to take care of. It was totally my fault. I mean, there was absolutely NO need to get all weird a/b the lack of my phone. I didn't even need it! Once I got to the location, I met up with the cast and crew and we drove out to where we were going to film. I was kinda pissed a/b doing the scene b/c it pictured me eating and my 'stalker' watching me. Firstly, I had the camera right on my face and the director was practically force feeding me...telling me to 'take another bite and another and another'. M.R. was there too, cause he was in the scene as well. He didn't make it any easier for me as he sat there and laughed to himself, as the director was telling me what to do. I wanted to hit him! He started to make me laugh and then I had to do it more, just to get a fiarly decent shot of me eating w/o a smile on my face. M.R. was being all territorial on the shoot with me too. I was the only female with a bunch of boys. It's funny though, b/c he feels that the only way he can show how close we are is to try to insult me infront of everyone. It's like he has to prove that he can get away with certain comments that someone else wouldn't dare think of saying to me. Talk a/b drama...it's a good thing I care a/b him like I do, otherwise that fuck would be ripped to shreads infront of everyone.

A/f the shoot I went to go see X2 with some friends. It kicked ass!!!! To the 100th degree. I was so impressed and stimulated with the movie that I had chills through my body for most of it. Wolverine, my favorite, was killer kick ass. Love him! I left the theatre under the delusion that I had super powers...well, more so than I already do have of course. ;) So me and the girls decided we wanted to go out and party that night so we headed out to a club. Yum! I fell in lust with the bar tender and I couldn't stop going up to the bar to see him. I was heavily flirting with him. Well, I was doing the best I could do while standing on the other side of the bar. When I'm drinking my behaviour is exagerrated, so I was being even more suggestive than usual. He was being slightly coy with me though, only giving me little smirks as if he was keeping something from me. Every time I went up for a drink he'd give me a shot. @ one point I was ready to kiss him and then something stopped me. I was dancing the whole night as if he was watching me...in my mind I was completely dancing for only him. When last call was up and the club had cleared out a bit he looked @ me, as I was 'suggestively' dancing for him, poured more shots and then called me over to him. Gawd I would have dropped for him right there if he had asked me to, but instead he leaned over and told me that he was taken, but that that didn't mean he wanted me to stop coming to party. I over exagerrated my upset to that comment, but thought that it was very sweet of him to honor his relationship. We toasted each other and I downed his shot...really imaging it was something else pouring down my throat. Then, when I went to take a washroom break a/f, my girlfriend and I ended up passing him as he was leaving for the night. I was oblivious @ first and then I turned a/r to see that he had stopped to talk with her. I went over to him, not noticing that it was MY bartender and then when I saw who it was I ran my hands down the front of his body to greet him...while saying 'It's my bartender'...ha! I do some funny shit when I'm drunk! He told me to come back soon and then he kissed me on the cheek and gave me a big hug. Fuck, he was so beautiful!!!!!!! By the end of the night I had no idea what the hell I was doing, saying, feeling. All I knew was that I couldn't talk anymore once I was in the car for 20 mins or so. The movement was making me ill as hell. I got home and passed out cold, and then woke up all fucked up the next morning. I had to take Maximus to the vet, but I was clearly in no condition. I had so much acid in my stomach that I felt like I had to vomit every 15 mins, but when I tried to it was only a very painful experience. I made it to the vet, dizzy, nauseous and delirious. She gave him his shots and then I took him home and suffered for another hour. Then finally I decided to sleep. The shitty thing was that I was suppose to get to a cast party for the afternoon and I was in no possible condition to do it. I tried to take a damn ant-acid, but it didn't help @ all. The thing was even a prescription!!!! I called the director to let him know that I was sick and wouldn't be able to make it, then I called M.R. to let him know that I wouldn't be there either. I got no pity from him and a lecture...one that I did deserve b/c I was being completely irresponsible. I think though that I suffered enough for the whole day. So what did I learn from that night/day? Well, I learned that next time I'm going to go out drinking I should eat more carbs b/f. I also learned that if I have something important to do the next day, I should either not party @ all or I should limit the amount of alcohol I consume. Or I should just spend the night in and fuck a beautiful boy all night instead.

Love, CAT xXx