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Thursday, Mar. 13, 2003, 9:23 a.m.: push...

I need to be more thorough. I called for an audition last week for the plays that will be going up in the city this summer. I left my name and number and got no phone call back. While talking to M.R. he told me that the message specifically said to leave the time slot that you can audition in and that if there are conflicts they'll call you, but otherwise just show up. I never heard that damn message! So when I called back today, I did hear the message (which I swear I never ever heard b/f still) and all the women's audition spots are booked. Fucking figures.

I think I bombed @ the audition yesterady night. I wasn't impressed with myself or how I answered some of their questions, but you know what...FUCK IT. It's done now. The auition process is so damn tedious. I also found out that neither me or my girlfriend got the part in the other film we both got a call-back for. @ least it was both of us who lost and not just one or the other...but I would have been happier if she got it, or I got it for that matter.

I think I want to go away on a nice trip. Some vacation time would suit me well right now. A beautiful hot island with a sky blue ocean to look @ and into. Sounds amazing right now.

You know, every time I talk to M.R. he owns more and more of me. He infests my psyche to a point where I feel and need him in my head. His voice comforts and holds me...each time we speak I can feel us becoming closer. If we were beside each other I would see the energy transferring in and out of us...tieing us together. It's so subtle yet so powerfully magnetic. He has this power in his voice when he talks to me a/b sex and what he wants to do to me that sends my whole being into submission. I would do anything for him and I'd love it, b/c to hear him and see him as he is is fucking magical to me. Sometimes it's too much for my mind to handle, but it keeps pushing.

Love, CAT xXx