Tuesday, Feb. 04, 2003, 9:12 a.m.: paradox...
I think it's time for me to forget a/b men romantically. How pathetic does that sound? I have never dealt with a man in a truly romantic sense and here I am preaching that it's time to give up on them. But, you know what? It hurts way to much and it's not so much that I can't take the tearing pain in my heart...it's that I don't want to. I fucking don't want to deal with fucking idiots who can't see me for the person I am and respect that. So I may not be the most sane and normal girl in the world...I know that! I also know that there is nobody quite like me in any sense way or form and THAT I relish in. That is what seperates me from this superficial world where everybody is a slave to societies norms. Fuck everyone who can't see who I am!!!! Yes, I know not everybody HAS to love me, but I'm sick of people trying to squash me down b/c I am different. B/c I may not relate the way 'normal' people do... b/c I may not understand the way 'normal' people do. I can't help the way I am made and all I can do is learn to deal with it. But FUCK ME if I'll let anyone tell me again that I'm not quite right or that I'm fucked in any way!! Fuck them all too!! And here I am, maybe making a mountain out of a moe hill (sp), but my bloody bitch has come to visit and I am not a happy girl. Just b/c I don't do things the way 'normal' people do. Does that make me less of a person? FUCK NO!!!! Times like this I feel so completely contradictory. Like this paradox that twists and turns and doesn't know where she starts or ends. I love it yet I hate it so.
Love, CAT XXX