Tuesday, Nov. 26, 2002, 8:51 a.m.: too much fucking swearing?
I'm going through my boring stage right now. Where your life feels really dead and you think you're missing something. So I may be forgetting to add something to the mix or I may just be unsatisfied b/c I'm not happy with myself.? Nahhhhh. I think what I'm missing right now is SEX. Yup, for fucking sure.
Do I swear too much? People tell me I swear alot. That I sound like a typical Italian man when I talk. One of my friends has already given me the nickname 'Luigi'. Luigi? I don't really like that name and it sounds so fucking stupid that he thought it would be hilarious to call me that. Okay, so it's funny!
I feel tired today. My eyes hurt a little and I don't know why, cause I slept really well. Got my much needed 8 hrs and I should feel great! Maybe I haevn't been drinking enough water...that could be it. Excuse me while I get my coffee ready... I'll tell you what's going to give me a splitting head ache today. The guys who are banging away upstairs right above where I'm sitting. It's pretty damn annoying.
Fed up, that's another way to put how I'm feeling. That seems to sum it up perfectly. I think the most unfulfilling thing in my life right now is probably this uneventful job. Although, I have to say it does help me out with finding info on auditions and my career. It's the only stable computer I have in my life right now. How ridiculous does that sound now? Stable computer? As if it's my personal lover...well, I guess in a way it is.
I booked a hair appointment for this Thursay. If anything is going to life me up, other than sex, it's a little pampering and a new look. I'm going to keep the red, but change the cut. Everyone tells me to grow my hair out, but it's so muh work to take care of it. @ least with my short hair...I just wash, mess it up and go. We'll see what my stylist says a/b it. I know she likes me in short hair...they all do. I've also got to put my play on stage this Friday, so it has to be done for that. Since my partner looks dashing, I must looks stunning...yes?
I got home yesterday to find that I had a new light installed in my bedroom. It was so nice to open the light and see the whole room brighten up. As opposed to that piece of shit little bulb I had b/f. It drove me mad. I never turned it on casue it was such a poor excuse for a light that it made me angry. I would rather move a/r in the dark than have to see that. I have good night vision anyways. Anyways, I thought that was nice. My uncle came over and did it for me. My relatives are great to me you know. They make up for, now, the shit I get and got from my mother. It's cool. I can handle it. We all have baggage...we all have issues...haha...some have more than others...soem deal better than others. In the end it's all the same shit and we all just want to be loved. It's very simple really...yet so fucking complicated. Swear? No, I don't swear alot @ all.
Love, CAT XXX