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Wednesday, Oct. 30, 2002, 10:33 a.m.: two more baby...

Okay so the news is in. I got two more fucking parts! Small parts...but parts none the less. Yea yea baby. It was Friday when I was bitching a/b how I wasn't getting anything and then BOOM. Now I'll be filming four. Strange how that works, although I'm always the one to jump the gun on the negative side. I really hate negativity yet I'm so prone to fall onto or into it. The good thing is that as soon as I'm in or @ the end of my rope I bounce back for some reason. Of course, this time was alot easier cause 'not so new boy' was there to pick me up when I was getting all fucking frustrated and shit. It's cool cause I can actually be there for him too...it's weird. I haven't experienced this in a very LONG time. I don't quite know what to make of it. It's kinda scary and I keep pushing it to the back of my mind, in fear of dealing with it. He makes me want to scream and cry in joy and hit and kiss him all @ the same time. I just really don't know what to do, so I'm forced to just go with the flow.

Tomorrow is the big day. When all the freaks come out to play...I can't wait. I love the costumes and the fun that just surrounds everyone and everything on a night like Hallowe'en. No matter what age you are, you are free to wear and do as you please and nobody is there to judge you. It's a total free for all. Too bad every day wasn't like that. Last year I rememebr being @ this club and being hypnotized by this guy who was dressed up like the guys from Clockwork Orange. I had to keep pulling myself away from him cause I knew the whole thing was sorta bordering on dangerously strange, you know. I mean I didn't even know the guy and I'm drawn to him in that gear...not cool.

So I'm a very busy girl tonight. I've got three rehearsals @ 3 different places. I'm gonna be driving ALOT...and I'm gonna love it. I think I'm going to do that freak out scene again tonight. I'm in a skirt too, so I hope it's not TOO involved. Like no rolling a/r on the floor and shit. I was thinking though for when I beat the living shit out of the guy later...that I could straddle him and do damage, as part of it. I thought that scene would go over well. Just I can't do it tonight...sorry.