2002-04-09, 8:52 a.m.: a certain kind of playfulness...

Boston Cream donuts are fucking delicious!! I love them.

It's raining today, which doesn't make me a very happy girl. It's warm out, but b/c it's so shitty it's become humid. I don't like the feeling of it being sticky and thick outside...it makes me think of dirt and pollution. It's hard to get up on time also, b/c of the weather. For some reason the rainy days effect my head and make me retain water. My whole system switches with the weather...which means I have to drink extra amounts of water today to make up for it. But first, I've got to have my cofee.

@ the gym yesterday instead of the usual sculpt class we had this girl come in and do a Reebok training class. It's designed by Reebok, they integrated yoga, pilates, and the basic knowledge of how your muscles work and have designed a systm on their own. You basically use your own body and body weight as resistance and work from there...it's really low intensity and very calming. So basically they just ripped of some moves from yoga and pilates and joined it with slow aerobic movement. I was bored shitless in the beginning. Then she started saying shit like 'calm your mind' (in order to hold certain positions) and for those moments I was enjoying the fact that I could be so calm. But, I'm more of an agressive person and I like to push myself hard. I love the adrenaline rush a/f a hard work-out. I love knowing that I've pushed my body to it's limit and I'm slowly building strength and resilience and endurance and stamina.

I'm not in a very agreeable mood today...not that I really ever am. I see things very different from most of the people I'm a/r. Sometimes I find it useless to discuss things with people. I mean, if everyone has their own opinion and what one person says can't change the other persons view on something...is there really a point in talking @ all with others? I listen (most of the time) b/c I am interested in how others see things....even if I don't agree or think it's totally fucking ridiculous. Whereas I notice MANY people don't fucking listen to what you have to say. I guess it's partly the whole age difference thing. Anyone whose older than you assumes that they know more, that you can't have a clue what you're talking a/b b/c 'what the fuck have we really experienced in life' compared to the abundance of knowledge all these old fucks have accumulated over the years. I think that looking @ things from the eyes of someone younger, even a child, is very enlightening and eye opening. These are the ones who haven't been jaded by life or conditioned to close their eyes to certain things and only open them to others. I think it's through the eyes of a child that we can truly learn things and understand, w/o bias. Maybe I'm just fighting my own battle here cause I still think like a child sometimes...I just find that kids are the most interesting people to be a/r these days. Playful innocence combined with an instinctual knowledge...that is where its @. I'm just going to start making statements instead.

CLG aka CAT XXX