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2002-04-08, 10:04 a.m.: so much to do...

What a crazy weekend! Still not recovered, partly b/c of the time change, and partly b/c of Saturday. Saturday the girls and I went out to the after hrs party. We had a great time...but, I was really worn out from the wedding I had just been to. I danced as much as I could and then by 6:30 I was ready to get the fuck out of there. So the plan was to get into my bed by 7:30 am and then be up by 12 so that I could get ready to go to this play with a friend from my class. Okay well, I got to bed by 8 and was up by 12:30...not bad. Rushed to get ready and was still royally fucked up from the pill I had ingested the night b/f. The play was great and I spoke to the director/producer so that I could audition for her troupe and get some stage experience. They're a community based theatre group and I really liked what I saw. So I'm going to go to their next script reading in a/b 2 weeks. So that went well, I got things accomplished. Now, on the way home as I'm driving, and thinking a/b shit that my brain couldn't and shouldn't have been concentrating on and attempting to hold @ that particular time, I ram into a curb. Remember I had just got my fucking alignment fixed on Friday, and now I have just hit so hard into this curb that it felt like I had hit a wall. I tested my steering a little and noticed that my car was still going straight when I let go of the wheel...that's my test for my alignment, but she wasn't as sturdy as she felt when I drove her from the service lot on Friday. When I stopped to look @ the damage...to my fucking amazement I noticed I had bent the wheel rim and taken a chunk out of my front right tire. Both tires on that side are fucked and I have to fix them b/c I can't drive on them. I can't even get on the highway until they're fixed. Now I calmed myself with the understanding that this is not a 'problem'...this is just an 'inconvienience'. I've got to call a junk yard today so that I can find two wheel rims, hub caps, and tires. Expensive inconvenience I must add. I'm going to stick to drinking from now on...which could just get me into another kind of trouble, but I wont be crashing into any curbs the next day from lack of brain functioning. I went to bed @ 9 pm yesterday and I was tired when I got up this morning.

@ the wedding we were sat @ the back of the hall, right beside the kitchen. It's where I thought they were going to put us. We are direct relatives of the bride and groom, but the two families don't get along b/c of some 'family politics and history' and so we had been reduced to sit in the back. They tried to make us invisible...do you think it worked? Fuck no. Not only were we the best dressed family there (of course that is only my opinion) but my sister and myself along with my parents ended up getting into three fights while we were @ the table. You can't silence us...one way or another we'll be heard. I mean I'm not proud of the fact that we were so selfish @ the wedding to be bickering over our own problems, but fuck, they deserved it so it's okay. Last minute my father was asked to say grace and even though he is 'uncle' and 'godfather' to the groom he was introduced by his name only. Now in our culture this is an insult...not very surprising, of course, due to the circumstances. We are the 'bad' family...and personally I think they can all go fuck themselves. The history of the whole deal is pretty fucked up and I can see how the miscommunication could come a/b, but the lack of respect is really disgusting...whatever, it was a boring wedding anyways.

I apologize for my choppy story recap here, but I'm following my minds' process right now, and it's not in full working order yet. My aunts house is still cold as ice...not very comforting to come home to. I've been dreaming some pretty wacked shit recently too. All my dreams have been very sexual. Anyone who turns up in my dreams end up engaged in some sexual nature with me. It's odd b/c I haven't been repressing myself sexually or anything. I could understand if I hadn't had sex in a week. Maybe I'm still coming out of my sexual shell...I thought I came out of it @ 4. My boy-toy is going to be both pleased and extremely worn out over this. He already thinks I'm a fucking nympho. Oh so much to do...so little time.