2002-03-19, 9:06 a.m.: *it's a fucked up life*
The story of my life...So, I ended up going home for dinner @ my parents house (my ex home), b/c I was invited and I also had to cut my younger sister's hair. What a fucking mistake!!! Of course my parents have to start talking over personal shit, instead of talking to me, and I being the opinionated person I am HAS to open my mouth. Enter huge fight between my mother (selfish heartless bitch) and myself.
She's a controlling cunt who has brain washed my father into believing that everything she does is for the good of her family....meanwhile, it all stems from selfish intentions. I don't think she really knows how to love anyone and therefore is decencitized to any sort of emotion in anyone else but herself. Anyways that's so besides the point...so my father, who has been systematically drawn away from practically every member of his immediate family (b/c my bitch mother is too fucking insecure to deal with them properly and repectfully) has decided that he wants his brother (younger) to live in the home he is purchasing for his business. All my fathers life he has taken care of his brother. Until now he has been staying @ the farm house my father owns up north from where I live. Now b/c he wants to purchase this home for his business he is selling the farm house/property and naturally his brother now has nowhere to stay. The story of his brother and his life is another drama all together, but my father has felt compelled to help him out through his rough times (which has practically been forever). So my mother had reservations a/b letting him stay @ the new place and started spitting out all these reasons that didn't even make any sense. She swithced from one reason to the total opposite reason in the matter of the converstaion. Once I caught her fuck up I knew that obviously there were other motivations for her lack of enthusiasm and lack of compassion involving her brother-in-law. So I go and spit out that he(my father) can do whatever he chooses...it's his decision, his brother, his money, his place, and therefore his ultimate decision to help out his family if he chooses to. That didn't go over to well with her and she practically bit my head off saying that it's her money too and he has no right, blah blah blah. I said 'Who the fuck are you, he has a mind of his own and if he chooses to help his blood he is intitled to do so'. I've been so disgusted @ the way my mother has nagged my father and manipulated him into submission over the years and she always comes out looking like the saint. When she had nothing else to say she started throwing out how 'When he dies all his money will go to her'...as if to threaten me with that comment, she took me now onto another track of argument. I really shouldn't have let her bring me there, but I had to expose the greed and my disgust and contempt for what he had just let go from her mouth. So I began insulting her some more...b/c for a devoted catholic she shouldn't be saying half the shit she says, and she most likely shouldn't be thinking all the shit she thinks. She's a huge hypocrite that hides behind her religion and in the process believes that she is exempt from responsibilty for her actions, words, etc. This is why I despise organized religions...b/c I see first hand the hypocrisy...and I fucking hate it. Spirituality is something that is inside all of us and we can choose to tap into it or not when dealing with others. Organized religion is for the lazy...the deluded...mostly of course, this doesn't apply to everyone, but most. She clammed up and ordered me to get out of her house. I thought 'Fuck, I don't live here anymore anyways'..and I stormed out, but not w/o informing my father that she can hardly balance her bank book never mind the family finances if he was ever to go.
She tried to put the blame on me..asking me why I always had to start an argument. What the fuck is with her?! I said 'This bitch is fucked, and she can't take criticism when it points @ herself'. I though, must stand up for what I believe in and what I say...that's just how I am. And if she thinks that by telling me that all my fathers $$ will go to her when he dies...that I'm going to kiss her fucking ass, she can think again. B/c of course she would love that (even though it would be fake and pretensious and evil love. But, I...I have too much pride and integrity to ever do that. I will never stoop to kissing ass if I truly hate and despise what I see...that's for sure. I'll make my own money and I will never need a penny of her's or his and, THAT, is also the truth.
I left 20 mins a/f I got there...and I'm glad I did, cause who knows what would've happened a/f. I'm going to make my own money, my own way...and I will never have to ask her for help ever. That is a promise I made to myself yesterday.
Sometimes life sucks huge dicks and swallows. That's life for ya! Always something shoved down your throat with the end result being both smooth and harsh. Yummy give me some more!!!
CLG aka CAT XXX