2002-09-23, 9:05 a.m.: more auditions...

My knees are killing me! Not b/c I was on them all w/e, but b/c I was wearing these shitty boots on Saturday night when I went dancing. I shouldn't have worn them cause they fucked my right knee up majorly. I mean who in their right mind wears 5 inch heels while dancing for 4 hours. So now, for 2 weeks, I have to wear flatter shoes to make up for it. Waiting in line for the first club was fucking maddening! We went to check out this one club that we thought would be different and we were subjected to major discrimination. I was pissed! We were stuck @ the end of a long ass line up and teh bouncer's were instructed to let in all the 'good looking' girls. Now, we were obviously not dressed for that club @ all cause we looked like fucking outcasts...but, it wouldn't have mattered cause once we got on the dance floor we would have fucked shit up. This one bouncer walked by us 3 times and never grabbed us to go in, so we said 'fuck this shit' and left. The stupid chicks they were letting in was ridiculous. They just wanted manequins, not dancers. We took off and went to our usual spot. The bouncer took one look @ us and brought us to the front of the line. We made a pact that night that we wouldn't stray from the usual spot anymore b/c that is where we are loved and respected for who we are, not for what we look like. Well, not totally for what we look like. Hey, nothing is perfect!

Woke up for my rehearsal on Sunday morning, not really hung over...but tired. Then I had to swing over to the audition where for 4 hours I competed against 2 other chicks for the lead in this play. As far as I could tell I had the character down perfectly as far as emotion and attitude. I was completely stressed in the first place, but once I was up in front of everyone I totally calmed down. I always expect to be nervous, I just try to concentrate on how to channel it properly. I haven't heard from them yet and they said that they'd let everyone know by tonight. I want the part, but if I don't get it...well, I'll have to deal with that rejection too. We'll see what happens. It's pretty much out of my hands...unfortunately.

I have to go home and take my pills. I forgot to take it yesterady which means I've gotta double up today. I was just so busy that I forgot.

Love, CAT XXX