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Friday, Feb. 04, 2005, 11:13 a.m.: all good...

I had the best sleep ever last night! I was so tired and exhausted from getting up @ 6am to do weights, that by the time I finished spin I was ready to pass out. Mind you, one of my fave teachers was leading the class so I pushed even harder than I normally would during my tired stage. She gets me hyper and I have someone to compete against so it's awesome. When I finally got down to meet K, I just wanted to die, I was so burnt out. We drove to get Persian food for dinner [my fave] and his mother-food. Kebob and pita, no rice. I can't even explain how much I love this food...it is the tastiest meat I have ever eaten in my life. So we went back to his place to eat. When we got there I went into his room and found beautiful fire red tiger lilies [my fave flowers]laying on the bed for me. I love when he does these little gestures for me...I mean, who wouldn't. I grabbed a vase and cut the stems down and put them pefectly on my side of the bed. Then we ate, relaxed and watched the O.C. I never really got into that show too much but I enjoyed it. Fuck, I don't know the last time I've had the time to even sit and watch QAF, nevermind finding anything else to enjoy. We made love after that, which was amazing as usual. Soon after we took a drive so that he could get himself something to eat. He gets hungry all the time, especially after sex. That man has an amazing metabolism. I was so jealous b/c he was eating a tuna sandwich on toasted bread and apparently they put lots of salt on it. But, I can't eat that late @ night b/c it sits in my stomach and then I end up sick in the middle of the night. Tonight tho we're going to go and get one for me, if we have time. Soon after we got back, we both passed out...him on his back and me on his chest. What a beautiful feeling.

This morning, I dropped him off @ an interview b/f I came into work. It was for an importing/exporting company and he will probably get the job. Already the guy told him that he would be a great salesman for him. Eventually we will get into business together, but right now we're focussing on our plans for LA and acting and school. OMG, did I mention that my MOther has been bragging to everybody that I am going back to school for International Business Law?!? WTF?! She has major problems, b/c I did not tell her that. I did tell her that if I wanted to, once I got my degree, I could get into that later if I so choose..but she took it upon herself to imagine that that's my NEW plan. I laughed so hard when she told me that. She needs people to think that her kids are going to be successful b/c then that means that she did her job as a Mother/parent. I guess it's understandable but it's really whacked. If I was dumber I'd start to doubt myself as a person and only judge myself based on my status in society...and I mean, to an extent it's there sub-consciously...but I still know what's most important. THAT I hope never changes.

This weekend is going to be a busy one. I have 3 auditions, a monologue to memorize for Sunday and sides to go over. My Grandmother's birthday is Saturday night. We're going out to dinner with the whole family and I still have to go and get her something. I'll have to do that Saturday during the day. Sunday we're going apartment hunting again...we've got a/b 5 to look @ and hopefully we can find a place we want. March is coming up fast and we want to be in by then. Other than that Sunday evening we are having dinner @ his cousin's place. She is one of the family members, who knows that we're engaged, and so she wants to meet me. That should be interesting...I dont really know what to expect, but I'm not worried or anything. Fuck, all this 'we', 'us' stuff is so strange. When I go and read my previous enteries, it's weird to see how much I've changed. As soon as you're involved with someone deeply, you no longer think as a separate person. You find yourself all of a sudden entwined in with them. I've never felt so connected to anyone is my life. It's great, but tough to adjust to sometimes. It's easy to wonder 'what happened to my life and will I still feel independant'. I tell K all the time that that's what I worry a/b. I worry that I wont feel independant anymore and then I'll start to resent him. I want him to know where my psyche is so that he can understand when I need to be alone. I think the hardest thing in new relationships is adjusting to the whole coupledom thing. That's what I've been finding...especially when you have a partner who is demanding of emotional bonding. I'm intense too but to have two intense people together can become a bit overwhelming @ times. Like when I want to just pull away and retreat into myself, to have someone who is full on confrontational and a total 'deal with the issue @ hand' sort of person...it can send me hiding fast, or fighting tooth and nail. It's all good though...all very very good.