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Tuesday, Nov. 30, 2004, 12:11 p.m.: Happy B-day Michael...

I confronted my girlfriend a/b her flirting with K, the other night. I told her how it made me feel and how I expect better behavior from my friends, as I would most definately pay the same respect to them and their significant other. She emailed me back an apology and explained to me that she was just hyper and over-excited from the play and that that's how it came out. I figure I should give her the benefit of the doubt this time a/r, but it better not happen again. This is not fun and games anymore, where he or we are involved. I appreciated her adressing the issue tho as full on as she could. I like her alot, and even tho I've only know her for 2 years I feel close to her. She's a good friend so to find out that her intentions are misplaced would piss me off and effect me, for sure.

I also found out that R, the last boy I was obsessed with, is talking with my agent. When I say talking, I mean, he stopped by her office and dropped off a copy of a movie we were both in together and talked a/b ME!!!!! Why, I have no idea?! Personally I find it odd that he would care to extend relations to the woman, unless he wants to fuck her. That would be fine and understandable, but other than that I sense negativity. I mean, she really has no biz discussing my biz with him. Or he's obsessed with me and wants to find any way to get close to me. Fuck, he's so strange. Anyways, I feel like I should tell her to not divulge any audition info to him, a/b me, then the other oart of me feels like I'm wasting my energy for nothing. It's not like I wouldn't tell him myself, if he asked ME, but I guess it's the principle.

I went to the gym this morning. Worked on my biceps and back. Since I've been doing this new work-out I'm much thicker than I use to be. Not necessarily a good thing, but as long as I concentrate on cutting now I'll be fine. My boobs have been growing too lately. Not complaining there but I hope it's not an indication that I'm putting on fat!! I can become a tad paranoid with my weight. I've become so much healthier in my own self image and I don't fall into the traps anymore of worrying that I'm going to gain too much weight or something. I've never been over-weight in my life, but years of dancing and having to stare @ your body in comparison to everyone elses, can take it's toll on your psyche. I'm happy tho that I've come to realize that everybody is built differently and what suits one body type wont always suit another. I NEVER weigh myself tho!! The scale is pretty much non-existant unless I'm @ the docs office. I think those things are fucking evil. They distort your image of yourself, so I gave them up too. I'm happy tho with my new body type...I look like a little body builder. I always wanted Madonna arms and they are defiately getting there.

Tonight it's my baby cousin's b-day party. He's going to be 4. I got him a really cool present...one that he can really use. I always get him educational stuff. I figure he'll get enough toys from everyone else, I might as well even it out. This time I bought him this puppet book. It comes with finger puppets and stories and a stage that you can put on little finger puppet plays with it. I thought he'd find it fun and if not, well he'll grow out of it in a year. K's coming with me, so it'll be another eventful family gathering. This time he'll be meeting up with everyone all in one place...should be interesting.