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Tuesday, Aug. 31, 2004, 9:39 a.m.: liking it...

It takes me a/b 2 weeks to read an 800 page book. I figure if I can get in @ least 3 chapters a night, that's good enough. Someone told me once that they read the same 800 pg book, that took me 2 week, in 2 days. I found that hard to believe. Is that shit possible? Are there people that can read that fast? Sounds like a slight exaggeration to me. Anyways, so I am half way through my book now. One more week to go and then I can start my new onw. We picked up this book of poetry from the library this weekend, me and me boy. I promised him I'd read it. I picked it only b/c I like that it had a big raven on the cover of it...I think it's works by T.S. Elliot or something. I can't really remember fully. I'm trying to read as much as I can so that I don't start stressing or obsessing over useless stuff. If I keep my imagination active through stories then I'm pretty safe. It's also part of my plan to re-program my brain to focus on one thing @ a time. It seems to be working well so far. My book has proved very fascinating so far. It delves into the psychological make-up of serial killers and I love that kind of shit. It got to a point last night though where I started to see these images playing in my head, b/f I went to sleep, that started to freak me out a bit, but I can deal with it.

I'm calling the agent up today that I'm going to sign with. I sort of feel like I'm submitting here, but I don't want to cut my 'nose to spite my face' as the saying goes. I'm not settling, I'm being practical and smart a/b it. I wish I could fully convince my ego of that. This is the right thing to do though, so I should just shut it and stop thinking negatively a/b it. I went to an audition yesterday where the character was me, in a nut shell. It's funny how I no longer am seeing the bitchy female parts and I'm moving into the more free-spirited and earthy parts. I met a guy there who I gave my contact info for a feature that he's casting for in the fall. He told me he wanted me to audition for it, and play the part of a mafia boss's daughter. He started telling me this shit a/b how the movie is going to be produced by these big prodiction companies and that I''' ultimatey be up against some stiff competition...people like Angelina Jolie and shit. I was like, 'what-the-fuck-ever-bud'!!! I din't say that to him but that's what was running through my head the whole time. It makes me laugh when people try to big themselves up THAT much!! I'll still audition for him though.

Tonight I'm to meet my boy @ this restaurant in the city. Then we're going to go and see a movie, I think. Who knows though...he likes to change things up on me all the time, to keep me intrigued and interested. I don't mind, I like it...alot.