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Wednesday, May. 19, 2004, 9:14 a.m.: Sketchy...

I saw hottie [one of them] @ the gym this morning. He noticed me and came up behind me and I saw that he was looking @ my ass [or lower back] as I was sitting on the bench resting. I thought he was looking @ my tat and then he comes up and pulls my pants up to cover the top of my thong, which was hanging out. I stood up and asked him if he thought I looked bigger and he goes 'well your ass looks good'. I'm not particularly top heavy, @ all, but my ass is usually a focus point and topic of conversation. Which means I have to work extra hard on keeping it in shape as I get older. Everything has it's down-fall, I guess...no pun intended there. I did arms today ALONE. My girlfriend was suppose to meet me but she was too tired from yesterday. Who knows what she was doing! This is the primary reason for not getting involved in 'buddy work', b/c sooner or later they wont be a/r and if you've built a dependency on the 'team' you're fucked. Not that you're really THAT fucked but you have to push extra hard to get going yourself...so, I like to work alone better. And now that I know all the exercises and how to use the machines, I could really care less if she shows or not. It would be nice to have that time with her but I don't count on it.

I went to a 'climbing party' last night. It didn't have anything to do with rock climbing other than the fact that everyone there was a climber...except for me. They're quite a tight knit group and I was pretty much an outsider. Nothing new since I feel like that in most situations anyways, but it's cool b/c I prefer it like that. I found it interesting to watch them all go on a/b their 'hobby' or 'habit', whatever you wanna call it. I've never tried it myself, and my girlfriend keeps telling me that I'd be amazing @ it, but it takes time and dedication that I don't have right now...or the $$ it costs just to practise in a gym. It's a lifestyle that I'm not ready to adopt basically. I may go once for fun though, when I can justify spending the $$ there. @ this point I'd much rather spend any extra cash on clothes and shit.

I've got two auditions scheduled for tomorrow that I'm not too excited to be going to. One is for a short, that's to be shot in Mexico city and it's being held @ the 'producers house'. I dont' really like the sound of that too much and now I'm starting to have second thoughts a/b going. First off, I got a funny feeling when I read that the thing was being shot in Mexico and that accomodation/airfare/and visas would be provided for us. Then I looked @ the characters and noticed that I was the only young 'girl' in it and I didn't feel too comfortable a/b that. Now, this audition thing and the fact that I've been trying to reply to the email I got all morning and it keeps getting bounced back to me. It's not looking good and so I think I'm going to pass on it. You never know with all this independant shit. The second one isn't an audition actually, it's a script rehearsal for 3hrs with the director. 3hrs that I think are completely uneccessary, but @ least I know this guy wont try anything on me now when he's got the whole thing to shoot still.