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Tuesday, Oct. 28, 2003, 9:38 a.m.: hot not horny...

Can you believe that the fucking stupid photo lab lost my damn negatives?! How iresponsible can you be?! Mind you, it will just give me an excuse to get new shots...which I will need desperately anyways. My pics still don't do me justice [so everybody tells me]. That tells me that I need to get them professionally done for sure. Especially for agents..gawd I am so stubborn. Do you know how many times I was told that and I kept disregarding it? Oh well, now I have a shit load of pics for my independant stuff. I try to put a positive spin on everything...keeps me happy...this is trivial really anyways.

I've been rejected some more already by several more agents. I don't get why this isn't falling into place properly. I mean, I guess I have to take into consideration that this is one of the slowest times the industry here has experienced but it still pisses me off. I know SO many shit ass people who are all repped and it disgusts me immensely. Tomorrow it's dropping off of my remaining 9 and then Thursday I'm going to call up the first ones that haven't sent me my shit back...see if they have anything good to say. Expect the worst and hope for the best...ya know. Our shitty phones here are still displaying the time without the fall back hour. It's really drives me nutty.

I had rehearsal last night for the short I'm shooting with that hot guy. Like, you think he would come in all ratty tatty and sloppy, but NOOOO he has to come in all done up and shit. I can't take it anymore...those dark features drive me crazy...in a good way. I would glance @ him and see the 'boy' though. Hmmm, I wonder if his thoughts always jump back to me when he looks @ chicks. Fuck, am I trippin'? Anyways, he plays a great asshole and I'm his timid wife. It's a good contrast too b/c he' so tall and I'm o little...even with my 3 inch boots one. He was trying to get me to work on our script together over the weekend. I never called him though b/c I knew there would be no time to go over it. Plus, do I want to be @ his house...all horny working that close with him? I'm kidding here. What?! I have an enormous amount of self-control... when I want to have it!!!

Love, CAT xXx