Thursday, Aug. 07, 2003, 8:45 a.m.: time standing still...
Well I finally feel I got most of what I've wanted to say, to someone, out into the open. Mind you, I have not heard anything in response to what I wrote yet. That either tells me that 1. this person was so full of shit and they really don't give a flying fuck or 2. this person actually cares a/b what is said in response. I've felt like I was all bottled up, free from feeling, but with so many emotions running a/r inside me. It was just the time for everything to be sorted through and understood. Any relationship is a/b communication and I always felt that I failed to communicate myself properly. I'm totally neurotic a/b it too, b/c I wont rest until it's done the 'right' way. Well, the 'right' way in accordance to me, of course. Good thing the right way now is 100x better than it was a few years ago. I don't want to feel regret or look back and wish I had done things differently. I've finally come into a different sphere of my life. I value honesty and openess and loyalty, but to receive that...I must first learn to give it. It's only fair. And as I've said many times b/f, but really mean it now...'what shall be, shall be'. Nobody though is ever going to trap me in a web of lies again, leaving me to suffer and find out that all I had hoped for was a crock. Nope...I'll try my damnest to avoid that shit.
On the acting front. I've been called back for another part, this Friday. I went to audition for it Monday and the director said I nailed it. I'm happy to be so busy for the rest of the month, with filming and shit. It will really keep my brain occupied on productivity. My agent search is getting closer. My pics will be done very soon and I've talked to a friend a/b making my reel, so it's just a matter of time b/f I get myself my own agent. I don't have to feel so out of the loop anymore, when I go to all these auditions and everyone else has an agent and I don't. All in time...I say.
Love, CAT xXx