Friday, Aug. 01, 2003, 9:35 a.m.: habits...
Ew ew ew. It's nasty out!!! Muggy, cloudy, and sticky. We've got a smog warning advisor in effect right now, which means it's completely disgusting. Well, it's super gross for me cause this weather makes me feel almost suicidal. It's a long weekend this coming w/e. I'm not going anywhere big. I've got an audition on the holdiay Monday and I have to prepare the sides for it. That means, I'll be working on memorizing 3 pages of it. I don't mind...gives my head something to wrap itself a/r, w/o getting myself into too much trouble. I'm a terrible compulsive obsesser, so I always need something to think a/b.. or do. It's like this never ending spiral of whatever it is my psyche has chosen it wants. If it's not one thing, it's another. One obsession replaced with another. It's like breaking a habit...if you try to quit smoking, you have to replace the habit [or smoking] with something else to really kick it. So some people eat, I chose to work out and drink coffee. Really you can never get away from your inate behaviors. You just gotta replace them with something positive or different. Something that hopefully wont end up killing you I guess. If I didn't have acting to keep me occupied, I'd definately be fucking myself into oblivion. I'd be someone else's slut...and I'd love and revel in every minute of it. A day I'm sure will come soon enough. It's inevitable. Love that word!
Love, CAT xXx