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Wednesday, Feb. 12, 2003, 8:49 a.m.: empathize...

We're out of coffee filters today. I'm pissed!! That means I have to wait for my morning fix of caffeine. Okay, I'm just going to have to deal with it. I had my acting session yesterday, which I loved loved loved. We were describing our characters bio...their background, life, etc. The chick I'm doing my scene with had a huge backstory to her character. It was very inventive. She took certain parts of our scene and sort of worked a history off of significant things in it. She was going off and then the teacher stopped her and brought out a scene that sort of added some color to my character and he read it with me. I'm not sure if he was trying to get the attention off her elaborate story (cause it was somewhat more than what was really needed) or if he really felt that it would help my character development if I read this scene with him. Either way I had a blast reading with him, b/c he's an experiecned actor, and I just felt so much more from reading with him than I did with her. I tend to be very subdued and quiet in the sessions. I just want to take it all in. I turn into this very studious girl (it's very funny). Until I start getting into my script and then I start to act crazy and wild again. My emotions just run freely and, although I still need to learn how to place them all, I know I'm going to get it one day. And when I do...it's going to be absolutely fucking fabulous!!! If I'm going to toot my own horn here...haha. So that was my exciting night. I have learned so much already a/b breaking scripts up and figuring out my characters. I really haven't put these techniques to as good use as I should have yet. Now I have so much more to concentrate on...it's very cool!!

I have a/b 5 auditions coming up b/f this w/e is going to end. Today is what Wednesday? You know what I really want though right now?? I want 'nsnb' and his dick!!! That's what I'm really craving @ this point. So much so that my mouth waters when I think a/b it and I get chills.

I went by my parents house a/f my class yesterday. It's so fucked how I feel this sorrow for my mother when I see her sometimes. She looked almost sickly yesterday. I can't figure out if it's genuine or if it's this instilled guilt that I've been conditioned to feel for her. You know, like she's placed this idea of her as the helpless victim in my mind that it's just automatic. Either way, it's strange to me. Someone told me that I have a great sense of empathy for people. I said 'yea, unless I feel wronged directly then I have no compassion what-so-ever and I just attack'. Anyways, she said it was a good quality to have as far as acting went too. I never looked @ it quite that way. I always knew, though, I could identify with other people's emotional pain very well...almost too well. So much so that it hurt sometimes. I'm @ the point where I can choose not to identify deeply with it and now I feel people's physical pain sometimes. But as for my mother...it's just sad. Anyways, let's lift it up a bit here. I've gotta get out of this now. Okay this shit is funny!
If i was a serial killer i would be The Zodiac Killer.

Over the course of almost 9 years in the 1970s the Zodiac Killer took the lives of over 13 people, either stabbing or shooting them to death in or by their vehicles. All the targets were the same, couples in cars off rural roads.

Taunting cops the Zodiac Killer would send in encrypted messages to the local papers, describing how his past victims had died, and who would come next if they didn't post his message on the cover of the newspaper the following day. The only surviving witness described the zodiac killer as a heavy set man in a self fashioned hooded jacked that covered his face, brandishing a crossed circle that he always signed his letters with.

After 1978 the killings stopped, the Zodiac's case was never solved.

Kill count: 13
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