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Thursday, Feb. 06, 2003, 9:27 a.m.: my short nerves...

My nerves have been very short over the last week. Partly b/c I cannot handle the stress of thinking of my ex (which I try not to do...but, it takes some work) and partly b/c I'm bleeding. I also have a hard time accepting the incompetences of some people. It takes so much patience to deal with those who constantly try to wreck havoc on your mental state by just being who they are. I know I probably sound so pompous right now, but this is how I must put it. I already had a run-in with my Father, who almost drove me to break the phone in his ear over something so stupid. The stupid part a/b it was his ridiculous question...I mean he would have spoken to a 6 year old more maturely. FUCK!!! I just have to get over it and it's not really even a matter of getting over it...I just have to relax. We've been getting along quite well lately and just developing this relationship, but every once in a while I still snap. Hey, I'm still learning.

I got an e-mail from the director of the next film I'm doing and it wont be starting till March 1st. I guess it's alright...gives me more time to memorize my lines and shit. This is the guy who cut me out of the end of the script, so I have to kick ass with my character so that he wants me to act for him again. @ the play reading yesterday my director informed me that, every week she hears me, I surprise the shit out of her. I thought it was nice of her to say. Of course, whether she's bull-shiting me or not is a different story. Doesn't matter I just have to keep perfecting my tool...myself. Tonight I'm starting a class with a new instructor...a guy this time. I want to see how I work with male teachers. I have a private lesson with him b/c I missed my first class on Tuesday. He's going to give me my scene to work on and in the end we're going to tape them. It's cool cause then I'll have myself on film and I can merge it onto a demo reel for potentioal agents. The only shitty thing (cause there's always a shitty thing) is that I wont have the reel ready for my first round of agent submissions. So, I'm banking on a big smile, a not too big resume (okay to be honest...a shit resume compared to some), and my raw ass talent and personality only IF I get an interview. Well, what are ya going to do? Throw the chips in the air and hope for the best. Fate is on my side and that is good enough for me! Well, I feel a bit better now.