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Monday, Nov. 18, 2002, 8:52 a.m.: my special girl...

Well, it fucking snowed here yesterday. Yup. We got a/b 6 inches of slushy snow. I think I've said it b/f...I like snow to look @, but not to live in and deal with. It did look very pretty driving through the streets and seeing the snow clumped on all the trees. It really felt like X-mas AND my birthday season.

I had an awesome dance class this Saturday. Oh my fuck! It was so amazing. The teacher was amazing and I felt that energy surge throughout my whole body when I danced for her. Almost as if I could fly or as if I was going to explode. It was so beautiful! I can't wait to go back this week. You know, nothing beats dancing...except for maybe sex. Working out is great for releasing pent up agression, but dancing and fucking comes from such a deep place. Singing too, I'd have to say does the same thing. I was completely high a/f that class, walking through the cold streets with my 15 pound bag over my shoulder. Just walking, in pain mind you, but with such a feeling of renewal and rebirth. Seriously...I can't explain it any other way. Pain and pleasure...one in the same. The agony and the ecstacy is what I use to call it, when I was a teenager.

Other than that I didn't have any auditions to go to. I went to a 'life' seminar a friend of mine was holding @ her place. It's an intro to a course that looks @ areas in your life where you are stunted or held back in some way, for some reason. It sounds really awesome and I've seen a huge difference in this friend of mine, but it costs A LOT of $$. So it's a matter of, do I want to spend the money here or on a class that will further my development as an artist. It's ridiculous actually to think that I'm even trying to decide whether I should spend the money there. I mean, I'd drop $200 on a pair of boots in a second (if I could), so why wouldn't I drop it on this course. Even the woman who taught the seminar explained her 'break-through'...it was fucking amazing. You'd never guess that she had the issue she had. It was cool.

I went out and bought perfume for myself. I felt like I needed a new feeling and a scent is perfect for that. I got D&G's new 'light blue'. It smells so yummy on me. Every time I smell my wrists I just want to take a bite. I also went all out and bought myself this black velvet corset. Fucking beautiful!! I had tried on a red one in small, but I wanted it in black so I put on the medium. The only difference was the bra part was a bit bigger. I figure, fuck when I get my fake tits of if I put on weight it'll still look good so I got that one. I have a pretty big rib cage so I can switch it up between small and medium. You'd think I'd have huge tits b/c of the way I'm built...I could totally hold it, but noooo. Of course not. Why should I be in proportion to the rest of me. O.K. I'm being dramatic here...I am proportionate. I think that's a word?!

Saturday night I got this sick feeling and decided to stay in. Then my mother dropped of my sister and I took care of her. We had a good bonding night together. It was cool. Since it snowed yesterday I went over to see her again and we watched Spider-Man together. Sometimes I'm not exactly in the greatest moods a/r her, so when I am I want to spend it with her. I'll only have these years once with that cutie and I want them to be special and memorable. Sometimes I feel like she gets neglected cause everyone is so busy with their lives and shit they have to do. I also think that nobody relates to her like I do, so I want her to feel special...cause she is. So yea...that's pretty much it. I managed to do alot of reading too this weekend. Still enthralled with my Vampires...