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Thursday, Oct. 24, 2002, 9:07 a.m.: the new rule...

So, I feel like I spend too much time fantasizing over this 'not so new guy'. I mean, I'm sure it could be interfearing with how I perform @ auditions and shit. So I'm making a decision right now to STOP it. That's right...I must not think a/b fucking this guy or being with this guy or any other type of, whatever, with this guy. I like him, yes, but I can't waste my brain power on him when I have much more 'important' things to worry a/b right now. Plus, he needs to learn how to kneel down to the Queen I am baby!!

I saw this guy on the street yesterady as I was leaving my rehearsal. He looked like Brian Kinney from QAF. So you can imagine what I was going through. I almost stopped the car and told him to get in...good thing I was talking to my friend on the phone and she brought me back to my senses. I was freaking the rest of the way to her house. I'm just severely horny right now. I'm surprised I haven't fucked the shit out of 'not so new guy' yet...the way I'm feeling. I'm practising restrain. Fuck. Him just standing beside me makes me wet or listening to his voice...GAWD!!! Hey! I said I was going to STOP.

I woke up this morning to Madonna and Eminem singing to me. Too bad they were'nt really there, eh? Two of the best songs on the radio right now, 'Die another day' and FUCK I don't know what it's called, but it's from his 8 mile movie, I think. It fucking awesome!! I love them, I'd fuck the shit out of both of them..blond, blue eyed. But, you know I've got this thing now for dark haired smoldering men. Well, I've always really had it I just always went for blondes. You know a/b a year agao exactly I was imagining 'not so new guy' as one of my ideal men...now he's here. WAIT. STOP! But, it's true.

Tonight I have another audition to go out to. Hey, I headed back to the gym yesterday for a weight training class and I looked so skinny in the mirrors. I must have lost 5lbs, my arms looked so much smaller and I couldn't lift my usual weight. I felt so weak. My legs are still killer though. These babies survived the gruelling work-out. Today it's all a/b the protein...I want my arms back. Okay time to work on my character...wait, I don't know my character yet. Okay, I gotta find out.