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2002-10-03, 8:59 a.m.: my idea of fame...

The meeting went well. A/b 30 people showed up for it, and the production she's putting on is a fun one. I was all hyper yesterday and a/f the audition I went over to my friends place cause I wasn't tired. I wish I had more friends who were up to going out @ night, cause when I'm not busy rehearsing and shit I'm bored.

I'm going to get my hair done today @ 1pm. I'm going to dye it fire red again and put some black streaks in it. I figure if I put black in it, I'll have a little change and when my roots start growing in it wont be as noticeable. Method in my madness...I think it's smart.

Today looks like a crappy day, but you know I'm in a good mood. It's funny how now when it's shit out I'm still in an upbeat mood. I like it alot. These kinds of days use to really drag me down b/f. I think it has to do with the company I keep these days, you know, me myself and I.

I'm trying to will an upcoming director into my life. I want to find a boy who I like who directs movies so that we can work together. It may sound fucked and shit, like/love I just want him to advance my career, and in a way I guess it's just that...but I have to like/love him, otherwise it aint working for me. So that's my new head space right now amoung other things, like massive amounts of auditioning. I don't want my rise to fame to be that fast, I want to enjoy the struggles so that I can enjoy the victory as well, you know. It's like, I'm scared that if it comes to quickly it's not going to last. By the time I'm 30 though, I want to be seen and known all over the world. Is that too much to ask for??