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2002-09-11, 8:57 a.m.: strength in a C...

Why does it hurt when beautiful people are in pain? I don't mean 'beautiful' in the superficial sense. I mean truly beautiful people, those who do so much for others while ignoring themselves and who in return get pushed down. B/c it's really inevitable that they end up where they do. When you spend so much time trying to please others and make those a/r you safe and secure, it takes you away. It drains your body of it's vital energy. That life force needs to be replenished, and so you hope that these truly beautiful souls will get from others as they deserve. That they wont slip through the cracks and get lost forever...b/c what a shame, what a waste that would be. It would make me sad, and angry, and bitter, b/c I know they don't deserve the pain. I also know though that w/o that pain they wouldn't feel the extreme highs, and the euphoria that is also a deep part of their being. In a way that makes it all better, knowing that it's what needs to be...what's meant to be. In a way...

I hate watching people in pain. I feel it and it drives me mad. I feel it from the pit of myself...I think it hides deep in my cunt, and it sends a sharpe jolt of energy through me. Pain is understood physically for me and sometimes not emotionally. Physical pain is much easier for me to handle than is emotional.

For my girl C, if you read this, now or later. I hope you never feel alone, b/c I am always with you. I'll be your strength when you need it. As long as you come to me I will feel you. The will is strong...it takes alot more than this world can throw @ you to break you down. It can't, cause YOU wont let it. While I'm not close to as eloquent as you are, I know you understand...that I understand.

All my love and all my pain, CAT XXX