2002-08-28, 10:05 a.m.: math...
I'm fucking frazzeled right now. Just got an e-mail from my ex. Why does this always happen?! So, he wants me for sex. I'm totally confused now. I could fuck him, yes...I would, but then what. Are we going to just continue fucking and not even bring up our past relationship? I doubt it, but I don't want to talk a/b US...how we were. Then I want to fuck the 'new boy', but I don't know how he'd feel if he knew I was still sleeping with my ex. Hmm, maybe we don't have to fuck. Maybe we can just do other things. See, the 'new boy' has been extremely honest and straight forward with me...I don't want to disrespect him in any way. We said if we slept together that it would only be US. I'm going to have to work a/r this situation here. @ the same time I need to stay emotionally distant from my ex, cause he's had that hold over me b/f. I need to protect myself, while still getting what I want...right? It's just a god damn equation!!! I'm just the master of it.
Yesterday I gave my aunt long layers. Yea, cut and dyed her hair and even did my sisters. I had cut my aunts hair b/f and tried the layers, but found out that I had missed the beginning step. Which would explain why it didn't look like it flowed properly. The beginning step is the guide for the rest of the hair. Anyways, now I got it right and it looked fucking good. Wasn't even dry and it sat perfect.
I finally finished bring all my shit over to my grandmother's. I'm using all her dresser drawers. They use to be my mother's so I'm going to take them with me when I leave. I have another dresser stored in the garage so I'm going to give that one to her. I mean, by no means is the room cleaned and in order...I've still got garbage bags full everywhere. But, it's starting to get into place. By the time it is I'll have to move again...of course. I mean, how could it be any other way??
Love, CAT XXX