2002-08-15, 8:49 a.m.: am I feeling stagnant again, or what!?
My head is all stuffy and I'm bored. Yes, again, I'm bored. I may be jumping the gun here considering I haven't even goten a/r to cleaning out my apartment, so what is there to be bored a/b. I get this nagging feeling though that I'm always missing something. I'm not doing any sort of acting @ the moment or creative working, so maybe that's the reason. I need some water...
I went to the gym yesteray and again the spinning instructor went crazy on us. One new guy in the class, two in total. She looked like she wanted to pass out, and I can imagine what all of us looked like. Always, never fails...if there's guys in the class that haven't passed the test she pushes everyone so damn hard. She just wants to prove that she has more stamina than they do and that's fine...I'd do the same thing. They were just pouring in sweat a/f class, which was kinda nice actually.
I was suppose to go to a movie night with my theatre group a/f, but I was late and I hadn't eaten anything. So, I went home instead and made dinner for myself. 4 scrambled eggs with cheese bits mixed in and steamed spinach...fuck was it good. I have only a/b 2 weeks left there so I enjoyed my alone time, sitting, talking on the phone to a friend. It's sad to think that in a short time that place too will be a part of my past. Done and over with. So fast really, things just dissapear into thin air and are reborn into something new, with the blink of an eye. I feel like I'm still learning. I pretend I know everything, but I'm always learning...taking it all in. I want to know everything, which I know is impossible, but I'm still gonna try. I use to be able to dwell in the past, but now I've noticed that when I try to go there I can only stay for a minute or two. Then I'm right back here in the present or fast forwarding to where I want to be. I call it progression or maturity. I just don't want to waste time thinking a/b how it could or would have been or how it was. Nostalgia never went over well with me anyways. Onto another day boys and girls...
She's coming over tonight. Finally! God I haven't seen her in almost 3 god damn fucking weeks. Yea, I miss her when she's not a/r. She's one of my best friends and we've known each other so long and I know she needs me. We've gotten into and out of some serious trouble together. I have to find a way to make her believe that she's the beautiful girl she is, cause she deserves it.
Love, CAT XXX