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2002-06-27, 9:01 a.m.: for now...

So, I'm in a dilemna. If I can't find anyone to move in with me and help me pay rent, I've gotta find something to do. I mean I guess there's no point really thinking a/b it now b/c I still have a full month to do that. O.K. forget I even said anything...I'll deal with it later on.

My good friend who lives in Ireland @ the mo, is coming back to Canada on July 10th. She's coming back to live here for good. I wanted to go visit her there but with all the shit that was always coming up it was nearly impossible. Now we'll just have to make it a trip of our own, together, to go visit Ireland.

I'm expecting something amazing to happen to me. I'm not sure what it is yet, but I think it will be a life changing experience. I get this feeling that something big...and I mean BIG is waiting to explode. I also notice that the more time I end up spending in my present living arrangement with the boy is just very damaging to my emotions. It's sad to see him, it's sad to watch him walk out the door and not say anything to me even though I don't have anything to say to him. I don't like watching him depressed and the more I try to ignore it the harder it is when he's a/r. Naturally I guess. I just want him out of there soon. B/c then I can get on with the next step of my loss, instaed of letting the pain linger. I just can't take it anymore. Most of the time it's fine b/c he's not there, but when he is...what a difference in the vibe of the place. He has one of the worst moods I've ever known and I literally hate it. I feel caged, boxed in and constricted with him. He has 4 more days, and I hope he leaves sooner.

My days here @ work are getting redundant. I normally hate every minute of it, except for the times when I'm reading or lost in something else. Only thing is that I need to do this for the money...for the money, yes, it's what is getting me to where I want to go. As much as I hate it I have to, for now.