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2002-06-17, 8:49 a.m.: recurring theme...

Performance night was Friday. It turned out amazing, I was very happy with the outcome. There weren't too many people in the audience, but it was still fun. We all went out to East Side Mario's a/f, and I didn't get home until a/b 1:30 pm. I ended up in the parking lot talking to this girl for a/b an hour. 'Boy' @ home, who didn't even bother asking me where I was going (which he should have known...it was posted on the fridge)or how it went, was pissed that I got home so late. We got into a fight on the Saturday when he tried to ignore me and call me all sorts of nasty names. I told him right where to go and exactly what I thought of him. He's so extremely blind, it's fucking scary. He had the nerve to call ME selfish. Anyways, the outcome is that he's moving out @ the end of the month. I have to find someone else to live with me...and I basically have 2 weeks to do it.

Saturday nights performance sucked shit. My parents were in the audience and they threw me right off. The director came up to me a/f and asked me what the hell happened to me...that I acted so differently that night. I told her I was really nervous and that my parents were in the audience. She asked me if they were very critical of me, and I said YES. To which she told me not to listen to them and to only listen to the people who tell me positive things. It was cool to hear that from her. It was a very surreal experience for me on stage that night. I felt as if I was sticking out of the whole production, instead of being part of it, it didn't feel the same as usual. They are not invited to any more shows now...that's it for them. They didn't even stay a/f to see me, and they had nothing to say to me on Sunday when I saw them. I had to initiate the conversation and I started it by telling them exactly what the director said to me. It's just not worth it. I keep setting myself up to be dissapointed by them. This is becoming a recurring theme when it comes to relationships with me.

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