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2002-06-12, 8:44 a.m.: bitter to no end...

My day has already started out an a shitty note. I woke up to this piercing horn type noise constantly sounding through my intercom. I thought I was dreaming @ first and then finally realized that it was really going off inside my apartment. My boy (who is almost non-existant @ the mo)got up and out of sheer frustration unscrewed the thing and cut the wire. So now, if there ever really IS a fire and I need to know a/b it...I wont.

I was suppose to take a friend of mine to the movies yesterday night, for her beladed b-day, and I fucking forgot. I went to watch my little sister play the piano and sing in her recital and I turned my phone off. So this morning as I turn it on, my message starts beeping and there she was...bitching me out, well not bitching me out but making me feel guilty for forgetting. Shit! I've been so busy that I forget what I had planned a week ago. For some reason I DID NOT write it in my agenda.

Tonight is the first dress rehearsal of the play. Hopefully everyone will completely know their lines. I'm not going to be in the best mood tonight I can tell. Unless someone with alot of positive energy can feed me tonight, I'm gonna be on a downer. It's just not right. I shouldn't be on this emotional roller coaster all the time...I'm getting really frustrated with it. It's always something!

I also had a health scare a couple of days ago. I found a hard bump inside me...a cm up and to the left of my clit. I was feeling all bruised and in pain and when I went to check it I felt this hard thing. Of course, being me, I freaked out a/b it thinking it was cancer or some shit. I went to see the doctor and she told me it was a cyst, and that it's very common in people. I always heard of women getting them on their ovaries or inside their uterus somewhere...but where mine was? Well, she's the doctor...she's suppose to have an idea of what's going on, right? So I babied it for a bit and it's pretty much gone away, and so has the pain. It was fucked too cause on my way to the doctors, I'm driving down this street and I see a funeral procession coming towards me on the other side. I thought, 'Fuck, look @ this shit now'. I thought it was some kind of bad omen. So I now have to be aware of it and keep it monitored. It's nothing that visible from the outside, but you can feel it if it's inflammed on the inside. If it gets all fucked up again, I'm going to go get it checked by another doctor too.

I went to the grocery store with a bunch of left over change, and bought a shit load of vegetables. I put together an artichoke dish with potatoes for dinner...took me a/b an hour. See, I'm not that bad in the kitchen a/f all. I even have left-overs for lunch. I got home to find that he had actually washed the dishes for me too. Nice gesture, but he did it as if I was suppose to reward him for his excellence. I mean come on, the garbage was still sitting @ the door and nothing was put together for dinner on his part out of sheer consideration. I didn't say anything a/b the dishes, cause as far as I'm concerned we should be sharing everything equally. He's already getting away with more (or less) on his part.

My friend 'S' was suppose to come by to see me, a/f getting back from N.Y. Bitch is too concerned with staying late @ the office to suck her bosses dick than she is with seeing how I'm doing. I'm in a bitter mood right now, yes. She didn't even call me to say she wouldn't be making it...why, you ask? B/c she was fucking her boss and it would have been too obvious! I don't know if she really is or not, but I think she is. She would never tell me either until a/f the fact...this way it's not in the forefront of her mind and she can live in her denial. I don't even know if I'm making sense here.

I really have to snap out of this mind set.