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2002-05-14, 8:38 a.m.: I wanna screeeaam...

You can't imagine what this weather does to my head. I feel as if I'm walking a/r in a cloud. I hope the abundance of rain means we're going to have a hot hot summer.

I forgot to update my latest news yesterday...I found this out over the w/e. An ex of mine whose always been a tad cookoo (sp), just got busted while on probation. He had been out of jail for a/b 2 years and apparently he beat the shit out of someone so badly that the guy is in the hospital, brain dead. Now this is all based on hearsey, but this is what this guy use to do all the time. He was crazy or that's what he liked to let people think. He sometimes didn't have size over someone but he had the mental aspect of it. Everyone was scared shitless. I never was though...I was always worried he'd end up taking his own life. He use to get angry @ me for it, but sure enough I was right (figuratively speaking). He probably developed his crazy tactic early on while dealing with the big bad boys in his early days. Unfortunately it ended up getting the best of him. He was supposedly found with a gun a/f he took off on the cops. They're saying he's facing 20 yrs to life right now. There's no excuse for him, and even though I feel sorry for him cause I know he could have done better with his life...that's the way he knew his type of character could end up. One way or the other, I told him...he's either one of the two extremes. He chose the wrong side of the spectrum. I know he gave up and just didn't care anymore and that's sad. He felt he had nothing in this world, and you know, he didn't...but, he did have himself which I guess just wasn't good enough. Only the strong survive. The last time he was seen a/r the area he didn't look good. Supposedly there was a guy who shared his cell, that we know, who said he use to scare the fuck out of him in the middle of the night b/c of all the shit he would say in his sleep. He was a totally tortured soul...I know this, but he let the shitty side of him win in the end...and he took the easy way out. Of course, the system obviously doesn't give a fucking shit a/b reforming people and really helping them out. The cycle continues. He'll always remember me as his angel though, and to that I say, "One man's angel is another man's devil." So boys and girls, moral of the story here...always look to take the road less travelled, never give in to peer pressure, be strong in yourself and for fuck sakes open your fucking eyes.

Okay fuck, I need a vacation. I need to go to a really fucking hot and sunny place right now...b/f I seriously injure somebody. Can we say 'sinking into the gloominess of this weather'. Btw, this site is so damn slow today it's making me want to screeeaaaam. I'll try no to get to over worked over it...it's really not that important. Also, can I just tell you I've had this pain in my lower left side for 4 days straight now. It's really starting to annoy me.