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2002-03-22, 8:54 a.m.: fuck, it's Friday...

I WANT MY COFFEE!!!!! I crave coffee in the morning. @ my aunts I've gotta sit there and watch her drink a hot black cup in front of me. I stopped having one b/f I get to work cause I like to have 2 cups here. If I have 3 in the morning, I'm so fucking wired I start to get cold sweats. Yes, we're talking coffee here...not speed. I don't drink mine black though...anyone who drinks black coffee is a sick fuck in my books.

My mothers been sending me countless e-mails @ work. It's her lame way of apologizing to me for being such a bitch. On the one hand I'm sort of touched, but it's only b/c she seems so pathetic to me. On the other hand I'm raging with anger inside b/c as my mother I think she should be able to apologize to me...no matter how it makes her feel. I don't give a fuck if she feels weak or whatever...I'm her fucking daughter and if I deserve an apology, I should get one. I'm kinda confused cause I sometimes feel like I'm in a power struggle with her and that can sort of bring me away from the feeling of deserving something...only b/c it's a similar way my mother reacts and that makes me angry that I'm like that (in her way). But then I think to myself that this is the way I am and so I shouldn't have to compromise my feelings for someone else...and the power struggle ensues. I figure if I stay true to myself I will be fair in a situaiton. I would never ask of that which I don't think I deserve. We're actually going to this seminar (that she invite me to) that talks a/b different personality types and how they interact with each other. I thought it would be interesting to listen to.

Ha,ha...it hardly snowed. 7 cm my ass. We got a/b 1 1/2. I've gotta get my money certified today so I can drop it off @ he apartment. Banks open @ 10 so I've got a half hour. I had to get an advance form my 'boss' cause I couldn't cover the whole thing in one cheque...I've got other bills to pay for still. I'm going to be tight for cash for a while, but soon soon.